I Let Myself Hope

36 ● Jisoo ● 2.09.2027

September 2nd, 2027

Jisoo, New York

When I found out that Yohan's surgery was supposed to happen tonight, I considered getting myself out of the nightshift, simply because I didn't want to be here. Being in the hospital meant thinking about it more, it meant not focusing on my own patients, and I couldn't do that. I couldn't disappoint, just because I had some personal shit going on. But Jesper obviously predicted that I'd be a mess tonight, so he asked me not to operate. At least not until we know anything about Yohan.

It's been a couple of hours already and we haven't heard anything. I was sitting with Cooper on the surgical floor, wanting to be close by. I wanted to see them as soon as they finish the surgery to know what's going on. And them, meaning Malcolm and Jesper, because apparently, Jes was there too. I overheard it from some nurses, that Doctor Reed needed a cardio team there and he specifically chose the chief for it.

I honestly couldn't believe that Malcolm would do something like that, knowing damn well how emotional Jes was about Yohan, obviously. I wasn't particularly surprised about Jesper's need in being present there, since he was determined to be everywhere when things concerned Yohan. Hell, he even wanted to perform the pacemaker procedure himself. He was crazy and I was hoping that we wouldn't get some sort of tragedy in that OR tonight, with Jes being the center of attention.

Malcolm was really stupid about choosing Jes for the surgery, but then again, he didn't trust anyone else. That was a problem they both had – not having any trust in other people, and it was a mistake. It's not like they were the only two surgeons in this fucking hospital, they should ask for help when they needed it. Instead, they chose to be arrogant pricks that thought they were the best guys for the job. And to be fair, they probably were, but still. They wouldn't be able to save everyone if it were just the two of them here. They needed to rely on other people, instead they chose to start their own loner club, which was annoying.

And Jesper being best friends with Malcolm wasn't really beneficial to me right now, neither it was to Coop. Since Malcolm basically resented the two of us now and Jesper was his best friend, it didn't look pretty to us, considering that Jes was basically our boss. He may have made Coop the head of cardio, but Jesper still called all the shots. And him being besties with Malcolm meant that we were being mistreated by Jesper all the time. That equaled less surgeries for us and Malcolm always choosing Jesper for whatever he needed, even if Jes shouldn't even be in said OR.

But thankfully, despite all of my worries considering Jesper being too emotional for the job, everything went fine. There were some complications after the surgery, as Malcolm filled us in while in a rush, but eventually everything turned out okay.

Apparently Yohan crashed and Jesper was the only sane person who was able to take care of it. I had to say, I was stunned when I heard that and I guess I should go see Jesper sometime and tell him how sorry I am about shitting on him so much. I thought he was weak, if I'm being honest. I didn't expect him to fight so hard for so long and be so perceptive and patient and dedicated, and most of all, professional. He seriously impressed me with that surgery and I made a mental note to myself to talk to him soon.

I decided to give it some time though. The surgery must have been hard on him, so he definitely needed some rest. And to be honest, I wasn't ready yet. I needed time to think a little, gather my thoughts. Since Jesper and I haven't been the best of friends lately and we disagreed on everything, especially concerning Yohan,