I Let Myself Hope

31 ● Malcolm ● 1.09.2027

September 1st, 2027

Malcolm, New York

Coming back to work today definitely wasn't easy and I didn't want to do it. I was still depressed as hell and the last thing I wanted to do was to come to the hospital. I'd literally kill myself if I saw Jisoo or Cooper today, so I was kind of hoping that wouldn't happen.

As much as I didn't want to be here, I had to. I couldn't let Jesper down. Yohan too. I'd never, ever, want to let them down. They're my best friends, they're like the only people in my life that matter to me. That's why I needed to get my shit together and forget about how much of a loser I was for losing the girl. I needed to focus on being that bloody amazing surgeon that I was, because I had a job to do today, a job nobody else could do as good as me.

I needed to save my best friend.

So as soon as I came to the hospital, I went to the NCCU to make sure that they have a room for Yohan ready, because he's going to need to stay there a bit after the surgery, and then I went to change into my scrubs. I knew I was pretty late and that Jesper was probably already worried as hell, but I chose not to call him, since I was on my way.

When I was already there, I could see how relieved Jesper was that I actually came and how pissed Sims was. She's been really fed up with everything that's been going on with all of us lately and I'm pretty sure she kind of regretted accepting her position here. I couldn't really blame her, she basically just got here and got thrown into our drama, it wasn't fun, I reckon, but well, I needed her here, do she had to deal with it.

I was also well aware of the fact that I needed someone from cardio for the surgery and the first person I thought of was Jesper. I knew it wasn't a good idea, he shouldn't actually be here while his husband is on the table, but I knew that he'd keep a clear head. Yohan was everything to him and he'd do just about anything to save him, he wouldn't freeze, he wouldn't mess up, which is why I asked him to be here, during the surgery. I wasn't worried about him freaking out or anything like that. I also knew that he wouldn't blame me if anything bad happened. He wasn't like my mother. He wasn't like Jisoo.

Everything was going really smoothly during the surgery, I was seriously proud of myself and I thanked the heavens that there was nothing else wrong with Yohan. As soon as I cut out that tumor, I felt such relief, it was a feeling I've never felt before. And then, everything changed.

Yohan suddenly crashed, that bloody attention seeking bastard. That made me start panicking internally. I didn't know what to do. His heart stopped working and I had his head open. Talk about a series of unfortunate events. That's why I needed a cardio surgeon here. Scratch that, that's why I needed Jesper here. His job was not only to save Yohan, his job was to keep me grounded and sane. Just like I predicted, Jesper was the first one to act and he was both fast and determined.

"Put him down!" When he yelled at me, that was what woke me up and my brain started functioning again. We needed to put him down, so that Jesper could do CPR. After that, we started acting fast. Ava and I secured everything and we lowered him, so that he laid completely flat. Jesper started resuscitating him then and I just stood there, not knowing what to do. I noticed that he was crying, but I was also pretty sure that he didn't notice it just yet. "I need to open him up," he said then, and I froze, terrified.

"You can't open him up!" I yelled, annoyed.

And then he looked at me with pleading eyes, like he really needed me to be on his side, to understand that it was the only option, that he needed to do everything there was to do to save Yohan.