If there is one thing that ties Eve and Dan together, it is a love of travel. The making of plans, talking about the project, negotiating the activities, appreciating the discoveries together, the freedom from responsibilities. Travel is a time when usual relationship patterns are left behind and new ones forged through novel and mutual experiences. But it is with a heavy heart that she and the boys leave for a 3-week trip to New Zealand. Dan would join them six days later as originally planned. During this mother and sons week, the boys are kind, curious and calm. Though they had not yet been informed of their parents’ plans to divorce, they had detected the household tension. Now, before the stunning New Zealand scenery, they question their mother about their father’s impatience. Eve’s answers are vague, mostly because it incomprehensible to her as well.
Upon Dan’s arrival at the airport in Auckland, Eve and Dan spontaneously and awkwardly kiss. The moment of malaise is relatively quickly replaced by smiles because they both know they have two weeks of pleasure before them. They feel a familiar complicity awaken within them. However, this potentially happy moment is marred by stress and anticipation. For Eve, traveling together is something that would eventually have to be mourned, and for Dan, it is to be a deciding moment for his future.
The beauty and peacefulness of New Zealand is overbearing and sharply contrasts with the anxiety they had brought with them from home. Eve would start the day by getting up before the others, head to the campground bathroom and release tensions accumulated through the fitful nightmares of the night before by crying for 15 minutes. She would then return to their camper with a clean calm face, and the day would begin. Everyone would comment and exclaim about the beauty of New Zealand, and it must be beautiful because they manage to leave most of their distress behind. The sensation that things will be OK settles into them. Further plans for undertaking mediation are made while sipping hot chocolate after the kids went to bed, in an atmosphere of peace.
Eve and Dan could now make jokes about photo-shopping each other out of their photos. Yet Dan’s ambivalence is sometimes palpable. He would accidentally talk about projects and then feel somewhat disappointed when Eve would remind him that she would not be a part of these projects. He suspects she knows about his affair when she points out that if he did win the lottery, it probably wouldn’t take much time before a younger (check), prettier (check), and bigger breasted (admittedly check), money hunting girl is in the portrait (was Charlotte looking for money or using him? He wondered).
Actually Eve used the word bimbo, which had to subsequently be described to Luka who has an insatiable curiosity for anything he knows nothing about.
Yet there is something to be said about the sexual attraction that has suddenly developed between Eve and Dan. He wakes up with solid erections that her hand always finds, and they manage to have sex in the camper while the boys are at the playground. What’s more, Eve seems to really enjoy it and want it.
It is true that she does.
Eve thinks that it will probably be the last sex she will get for a long time, perhaps ever, and wants to take advantage of the situation. But even she is surprised by the stirring between her legs when thinking about the sex they had earlier that day or the night before. She could not resist the urge to touch him, thing from which he no longer cringed but rather welcomed. She tells him she is sorry that she is always touching him, and because he had decided to observe how things went with Eve, he instructs her to do whatever comes naturally to her. So she rests her hand on his leg when he drives, leans into him when walking, places his hand on her breast when the kids are not around. Thus begins the breach in their separation. They make jokes about looking for famous New Zealanders by asking for them in pubs. They begin to have a good time. As the trip draws to an end, they are comfortable with each other and Dan feels better than he has in a long time. It is officially clearer in Dan’s mind that his decision sways in favour of Eve.
This time spent with Eve contrasts with the week he had spent with Charlotte before leaving for New Zealand. Yes, he got to cuddle with Charlotte, caress her hair while watching TV, make love in a real bed, have showers together, and share meals in her immaculate house, but he was also reminded that he would have to integrate her daughter into his life, for there were signs of her all over the house. This in turn reminded him that he would have to integrate Luka and Alex into Charlotte’s and Anna’s life as well, and that weirded him out a little.
Plus, he would have to pick up after himself more - but that is a detail.
Living with someone, versus sleeping with them on the sly, is definitely more difficult than he had first thought, even though the week was pleasantly filled with good sex, good food, and friendly company. Well, actually, not that friendly, for Charlotte didn’t stop expressing her frustration about him going to New Zealand with Eve. She was understandably afraid he would change his mind.
He thought his brain might burn up.
His decision dangerously favours Eve as the trip progresses, but no firm position has yet been determined. Yes no yes no yes no. He tires of his changes of heart that are perceivable through changes of attitudes towards Eve (it is actually exhausting for both of them). Yet the two weeks with Eve, despite a few uncomfortable moments, turn out to be very pleasant.
He dreads the return to work. It actually plays out much like he anticipated, despite a new found desire to pursue his relationship with Eve. Indeed, Charlotte immediately seeks him out for a “lunch date” that he could not resist. Well, it seems like he could no longer go back to Eve, for she would likely reject him when she eventually finds out what he has done, so he picks Charlotte then comes. He takes his orgasm to be a sign that he has made the right decision.
Upon returning home, Eve informs him she replied to the mediator’s email confirming their rendezvous next week. Eve no longer wants to ride along - the leaving, the returning, and the changes of heart. “I’m about to make an offer on a condo. My mom will lend me the money I need to make it happen.” She says this matter of factly.
Let it be known that the moment Eve said this, she felt relieved. She could no longer see any value of staying with Dan. In fact, she thinks she is letting him off the hook. Surprisingly, Dan’s reaction is rather the opposite. “FUCK FUCK FUCK” he thinks. He had believed it would have been easier if Eve made the decision, but now he is freaked out about the possibility of things moving forward to a point of no return.
Instead of jumping on the opportunity as Eve had predicted, he looks her in the eyes for the first time since they had returned from New Zealand and says “Please just hold off a little while” with great sincerity and much spontaneity. Although she does not feel sorry for him after how he had behaved, she still loves him (she thinks). Telling him she would hold off, temporarily, is an act of kindness and generosity, as well as an indication of her low self-esteem, her lack of back-bone, and her own ambivalence. She agrees to wait a few more weeks and to continue living their lives “as usual” for the time being.
Eve is not so spoiled in her life to think that she is exempt from the uncertainties of life, that her marriage and family life would be something exceptional, an easy thing or the stuff of fairy tales. There is no red carpet in her story. She only hoped to move forward in life using good judgment, facing her challenges with calm and pride, and enjoying herself along the way. She has not been thoroughly successful in this endeavour, but it is for this she strived. So she continues working, she continues doing household tasks, she continues raising her sons, she continues to make plans for future travel, she continues to see her friends, and she continues to have sex with Dan (and enjoy it). She continues, despite her emotional exhaustion, to care for Dan, to give him space, to be kind to him, to love him imperfectly.
Eve has also lost weight, bought new and nicer clothes, and wears nail-polish and makeup - measures taken following his earlier feedback about tending to her appearance. Moreover, her relationship with Dan being only a temporary thing, and considering she is no longer struggling to hold onto it, Eve feels open to flirting with men. She begins to feel more attractive than as far back as she could remember. Dan also notices that the eyes of other men linger on her longer than needed. He finds her to be increasingly beautiful, and at the same time he also feels a growing fear that he will lose a partner of greater value than he had previously given credit. She is smart, charming, sociable and in some ways pretty. For sure attractive. She would have no trouble meeting someone else (even though Eve is convinced of having little to offer).
Yet how could he return to her after all the wrong he had committed against her, knowing it would hurt her if she was to find out and that there was a chance she eventually would? He had led her on about the possibility of having a life together. He had accused her alone for his unhappiness and yet done horrible things to destroy the relationship. He also detected that Eve had been letting go of him since the first time he tried to leave her, and understandably so. But isn’t that what he had hoped for? Had he not hoped that she would disengage and walk away, and then he would not be the bad guy? It is becoming apparent that even if she does walk away, he is still odious.
What will he have left? Half a family, a girlfriend bound to leave him when she finds someone younger or healthier or handsomer or richer - a girlfriend he has difficulty imagining introducing to his parents or his children. He would be condemned to all-inclusive vacations and living in an ugly suburb without trees. If he chooses Eve (if she would still have him), he would also have to contend with Charlotte and her threat of telling Eve. He could not fathom that Eve would stay if she knew, and then he would still be left with very little.
Oh, he could move into a small apartment, but there would be all those lonely nights. He doesn’t feel like much of a catch anymore because despite the flattery of being Charlotte’s “chosen one”, being told to fuck her harder is hardly an esteem builder. Being known as the guy who is capable of a double life is little to run home and tell others. He realizes he has attained liar, betrayer, cheater, asshole status. So yes, he would be lonely and feel crappy for himself if he opts for the lone scenario, though he strongly suspects that choosing either Charlotte or Eve will lead to the same outcome regardless. The sensation is akin to being in no man’s land.
Maybe he should just tell Eve himself and then let the chips fall where they may, see if she’ll stay or not, let her decide his future and if he is worthy of forgiveness. These thoughts drive Dan to buy Eve food from her favourite restaurant one night, a rare act of kindness towards her, perhaps as an unconscious gesture to help him to be seen as worthy of forgiveness. She graciously thanks him and that evening they make love. Not the kind with crude but stimulating words about fucking. She murmurs “oh, I love that” in his ear and he cannot help but find these words exciting and touching. Maybe there is something to salvage, he thinks as he drifts off to sleep.
He remains paralyzed another week until Eve tells him one night, “Shit or get off the pot! Lift your foot off the break.”
Does she know about Charlotte? “What break are you talking about?” he asks.
“Take it to mean what you want”. She doesn’t know what break she is referring too, but he appears to know he has one.
Eve has finally reached her limit.
Haven’t you, reader? Aren’t you tired of all this indecision and ambivalence? What would you like to happen? For Dan to admit or find the balls to pursue his oasis? For Eve to take a stance and take control over her life? For both heroes to finally admit to themselves and each other that they love one another and to cease all this nonsense?
Eve, though willing to let him off the hook if he should go, is not yet willing to be the one to be the one to remove him from her life and family. She leaves the house early that Friday, placing the following message in front of the coffee maker. “Dear Daniel, here is the address of the chalet I rented this weekend for my birthday. This is your chance to tell me your decision without using words. Your absence will speak loudly and your presence will signal a new beginning for us. I only ask that you take better care of your happiness. For me, this is the weekend where I commit to respecting myself more.”
(Oh how naïve she is!)
Dan feels sick to his stomach upon reading her message forcing the choice upon him.
Charlotte is more than willing to remedy the stomach ache, but after making love to Charlotte, he tells her it is the last time.
Charlotte laughs. “Until next time.”
He informs her he is serious “this time”. “I’m going to try again with Eve.”
She responds by calling him a series of names like asshole and bullshitter. “Good luck (sarcasm). When she finds out about us, I won’t take you back! When she finds out we were going to live together, she is going to freak out! But Fuck you! You’ll be back! We’ll see how long before you come back begging to be with me again!” Then she disembarks from the car, slams the door shut and walks away crying. Somehow she knows he isn’t coming back “this time”, and she is determined he will pay.
“Fuck it.” Dan thinks wearily before driving away. “Let the chips fall where they may.”
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The Forgiveable Journey Of The Cheated
General FictionAfter finding out about the affair, Eve embarks in a forgiveable but questionably sane relationship with her spouse's lover's ex while struggling to maintain an equally questionably healthy relationship with her spouse after the affair. She's a mes...
