The Forgiveable Journey Of The Cheated

8. Eve's Stepford Wife Rules for Navigating her Relationship with Dan.

Rule 1.

Never tell him you’re sad because for Dan, consoling is repulsive. He will get mad instead, and then you will feel sadder and disappointed. Then he will get madder. Just don’t say it. Perfect responses to you look sad: “I have a headache, it was a long day, I was daydreaming, I’m tired, I was thinking about …”

Rule 2.

Do not let him think you do not trust him, even if you do. You should trust him (shouldn’t you?). Careful not to send him a text when he is out of the house. He appears to take this as a sign of lack of trust. You should suspect that he is bothered by your “trust” issues (although it is actually quite pompous of him).

Rule 3

Get it into your head that you are alone.

You are alone, living with a stranger who says he loves you (if you say it first of course) and who you love, maybe. You’ve somewhat lost perspective on the why and how it came to be, so refer to memories of shared tenderness, parenthood, laughter and travel for reminders of how you got to this point.

Rule 4

Be perfect all the time. Shave, wear nail-polish, clean house, clean house some more, smile, laugh, and wear makeup. Don’t eat, be skinny, and spend your money on clothing. Have lots of sex.

Rule 5

Never get mad. Better yet, never be mad. And especially, never argue. You will NEVER win. You will end up being the “bad” person, the person unworthy of faithfulness.

Rule 6

Make sure he is satisfied at all times because otherwise you are a greater source of disappointment.

Rule 7

Never ask him to do anything that doesn’t involve the kids. Never. This is seen as nagging or criticism. Even if you don’t want it done right away, even if you don’t even care if he never does it.

Rule 8

If something goes wrong, if there is a problem, take responsibility, even if it is not yours. Remember, it is always your fault. Find better lines to acknowledge the errors of your ways than by saying “I’m sorry”, because those words bug him a lot – probably because he knows that it isn’t really your fault. Be specific. Convince him it’s your fault and that you wish to repent.

If he feels guilty, ‘bad’ or humiliated, it’s your fault for making him feel that way. Included in your long list of faults is having stuck around so tenaciously, because if you hadn’t been around, he wouldn’t have felt or feel guilty in the first place.

So this is what you say…

“I’m sorry Dan, if I hadn’t _____, this (______) wouldn’t have happened. I should have _____”

Rule 9

Never show that you’re unsatisfied with how the relationship is going. Remember, the problems are your fault. Do not let him know that there are rules for navigating the relationship because then there is a problem, a relationship problem – and it appears that relationship problems are your fault and cannot be solved unless you solve them (because they are your fault). The problematic situation can only be improved by leaving the relationship or seeking love (and sex) elsewhere.