The Forgiveable Journey Of The Cheated

28. Gambling on a Train Bound For Nowhere

Liam has been waiting almost patiently. 

Actually, he had never given up hope that she would pop up again. Despite her unpredictability, he just “knew” it couldn’t end there. As frustrated as he is with her arrivals and pressure-laden departures, and as embarrassed as he is by his silent lover comment, he knew that he would not push her away as per his usual “I’m above all of this” attitude he adopts towards girls who reject him. Reverse rejection was a strategy for protecting his ego, he knew this, but it somehow often had the paradoxical effect of drawing women back towards him. However, it was only effectual to a limited extent via written messages where non-verbal cues help him to gage the impact of his game. 

But is he playing his game? Where does he think he could get to with Eve if she is to step back into his game? Does he even want to play his game with her? He asks himself these questions. 

By the way, what does he mean by “game”?

Would she even play such games? 

Oh no, he didn’t mean to go there, but some erotic thoughts about games with Eve partially naked have popped back into his brain again. Anyway, regardless of the potential for fun and games, Liam misses writing to Eve. It was fun - just that in itself makes it valuable, no games or whatever the game. He likes her (and maybe more) and she seems to like him (and hopefully more, but what would that change?). She dilutes his anger. “Please write again!” He had willed this thought into Eve’s brain like a prayer, imagining the magnetic and electrical impulses of his own brain being projected outward and traveling the kilometers to Eve’s brain where she would unconsciously decode them and act upon the message. 

If only she had known this when she had been wondering whether he thought about his day to day chores or neuronal potential. 

The first beep on his phone occurred during a break. His heart started beating faster when he saw the message was from Eve. He felt hurried to hook her into a conversation. In her long-awaited message, Eve tells him that it had been one year since her enlightenment. She tells him that during her absence, she wrote several versions of an unsent letter to Charlotte. 

Liam wonders what’s holding her back from sending it. He feels she should just go for it, but does not say so. She tells Liam that in looking at the past year, she figures that despite the pain and anger and sadness, she had still experienced some very positive moments and continues to take advantage of life to the fullest (well, he doesn’t know that the latter part of her sentence is a lie). “I wanted you to know that ‘meeting’ you has been a significant contribution to the positive side, including the thoughts and feelings I have for you within the context of this absurd story and our bizarre and fascinating relationship.” 

She continues. “Every time I felt myself free-falling, I spontaneously started thinking about what song I could propose to you and the fun I have to you. You are someone precious in my life and I’m disappointed in myself for not having the courage to take a path of unknown distance and destination with you.”

Liam feels touched. He thinks this in actual words, which is kind of weird for him because he always had thought the expression sounded contrite (as does the word contrite). Here is someone who has nothing to gain from saying that he is a positive element in their life and that they feel positive things for him (without him having to dish out for dates or gifts). Why hadn’t Charlotte said such things, or any other girl for that matter? Eve sets the bar high for future girlfriends. 

Well if she is going to be straightforward and honest, why not do the same?

“It’s been a long time. I miss you sometimes. It is bizarre. I miss hearing your thoughts. You are quite a special person.”