The Forgiveable Journey Of The Cheated

35. Postcards

What beautiful Christmas gifts Eve received this year. 

Eve had bought Dan tickets to a see an electronic group with an opera trained singer. She figured he would enjoy it, even if he doesn’t know their music. She puts on a gold sequin dress that he really likes and he repeatedly tells her how beautiful she looks in it. All evening, he is affectionate and limit witty. The complicity that ties them together is tangible. They laughed. They thoroughly enjoy the show. They even stay for the last song (which is way past their bedtime). When they get into the RAV, he puts his hand on her leg. After a few minutes of silence, he told her “only you would have known to take me to that show”, and then a few minutes later, “Eve, I tried to, but I was not able to imagine myself there with anybody else but you.” 

Eve was right. Something beautiful has been borne from the story. The discussions had helped. The passing of time probably helped too. Surely Dan’s stance and persistence in reconquering (and not abandoning) his relationship with Eve contributed largely to ensuring its survival and achieving a new and improved version, despite Eve’s ever present but understandable reluctance to thoroughly plunge in. Indeed recently, feelings of great happiness would surge within Eve and she would reach for Dan’s hand thinking there was no place she would rather be. 

However the urge to express it is now censured. She is now too scared to say she is happy, for saying it would mean is true and real, something that could be stolen and ripped out from her. She chooses instead to love in a safer way - love a little, but not fully and completely. Keep some for the pen and paper, for an inner world where feelings and thoughts can be aired. Eve’s guard is up to protect her heart, and in not taking her relationship for granted, she keeps her sights on the emergency exits – an openness to flirting with other men (which Dan obviously finds irritating), strict adherence to a financial agreement ensuring her independence, keeping her eyes on the condo market with an embryonic plan to buy a rental one that could be appropriated as needed, and staying fit. Of course, this plan includes maintaining her self-esteem through healthier manners than those of the past year, such as through an effort to decrease time spent ruminating self-denigrating, leaving little room for Charlotte in her head (whenever she pops up, Eve symbolically shakes her head as a reminder to switch channels), and adopting a more proactive stance towards her life including reinforcing friendships, taking up old and new activities, and recognizing and accepting Dan’s love for her. She also adopts a new outlook with regard to taking advantage of life, no procrastinating, greater permission to fulfil desires for things as little as buying a latté instead of a filter coffee or stopping and buying an ice cream on the way home from work, and for things as big as making the decision to finally take those motorcycle lessons.

Thankfully, in the wake of this partial healing and the freeing up of leg room for self-expression, Eve’s urge to confront Charlotte has almost dissipated. Yet despite Eve’s best efforts to get Charlotte out of her head, the reflex of making comparisons remain. Charlotte is also still ever present in Eve and Dan’s sex life, but Eve doesn’t really care much any more about what is happening in Charlotte’s life and has stopped asking questions (to Dan’s great relief). Dan also considers himself to be lucky because karma has thoroughly kicked Charlotte in the butt. Nothing dramatic that you don’t already know, but considering that he had found a rewarding path leading away from the mess he made while Charlotte boroughs only further into the mess she made, he is relatively fortunate. He is also thankful to Eve, and Eve basks in his sincere displays of gratitude and appreciation of her, like the evening of the concert.

Yet Dan’s kind and touching words were not the only significant Christmas present she received this year. 

The second and equally and possibly more significant important gift was meeting Liam, whether she had been aware of it or not.