SIDNAAZ ( An Unforgettable Journey)

15. Breaking Down

Trigger warning: Self Harm/Panic Attack

She then went from there feeling hurt because she had her own reasons to support her team. It's what Vishal and Shefali Zariwala asked her to do if they voted for Sidharth to be the captain.

Sid- Dhoka dena ek art hai aur usme tum kamaal ki artist ho

Sana (in mind)- Kya dhoka? meine kuch waada toh nahi kiya tha ki mein sidharth ke team ke taraf se khelungi aur iss task m bhi mein Sidharth ke khilaaf toh kuch bhi nahi kiya but fir bhi wo kaise kaise bol raha hai unn logon ke saath milke. Mujhe baat hi nahi karni tujhse Sidharth.

Sid (in mind)- Haan mujhe malum h tum sab apne mann ke hisaab se karti ho par at least bataa diya hota ki ye karne wali ho. Mein hurt hu gussa nahi aur mein ab jaldi nahi manunga. Bhukto ab.

She was lying on the sofa in the garden area covering her face with her shawl. She was not feeling well and the fight with Sid affected her health more. He thought of pissing her off without thinking of repercussions. 

Sid- Mahira tu itni achi hai fir bhi tujhse log itna jalte kyu hain yahan. Kitne jealous hai yaar log terese sachi m.

Mahira- jealous log bhare pade huye hai kya kar sakte hai ab sab Mahira Sharma nahi ban sakte na

Paras- Bhaiii pehle hafte se jalti hai yee

Sana- Matt karr mujhe problem ho rahi haii (she yelled at him)

Sid- JEALOUS log kitne alag dikhte hai ese dekhne par se pataa chal jaata hai ki jalan hai unke dil m

Vishal- Bhai matt karo na usko dikkat hai uss word se fir kyu kar rahe ho

Mahira- Sab nautanki hai aap nahi jaante Vishal. Mein isse bahut ache se jaan chuki hu

Sana- Sidharth please matt kar mujhe bahut problem ho rahi hai

Paras- Lo jealous ko jealous nahi bolenge toh kya bolenge?

Sid laughed nonchalantly. He was not thinking of any evil intentions but he was just pulling her leg by joking around. Just then,

Bagga- Kyu Sana bahut problem ho rahi hogi na Sana?? Uss kamre m band hona chaahoge wapas?? Bataa de na yaar ye trigger tujhe kahan se aayi hai aur han ye bhi bataa de ki wo controversy m...

Sana- Shefali chup kar ja... mein bol rahi chup kar jaa tu khali time m mereko bolti rehti hai mein sab sun leti hu aage iss waqt tu chup hoja please. Mujhe batana hoga mein bataa dungi. Tu already mere chittar phad chuki hai ye ek baat rakhle meri please chup hoja. Warna merese kuch bahut bada anhoni hojayega idhar kasam lage tujhe

Bagga- kyun mein toh makkhi hu na mein toh bhin bhinaungi. Jealous word ka tag toh tere liye kaafi purana hai na? yaad dilau kya? Amritsar? Police case?...hahaha rape threats...aur

It was like Sana's patience had exceeded the limit and she screamed. She screamed making everyone worried about what was wrong. She screamed at the top of her voice. She flapped her hands and kicked her legs as if an intruder was strangling her. That intruder was her dark past.  It was like a cry for help to stop the voices. To stop Shefali. To stop the whole thing from replaying in her head. She took her hair in both of her fists and groaned asking something and everything to stop. Sid at first got numb seeing Sana in this state.

Rashmi, Vishal, and Arti came to calm her down but she moved her hands so fast that they couldn't go near her and help her. Sid got out of her trance and worriedly went to help her.

Sid- Shehanaaz...Sana...bas bas kuch nahi kuch nahi... idhar dekh idhar dekh

Sana- nahi...nahi mein nahi sunn sakti please chup karo...chup karaao please

Sid felt really sorry when he saw her breaking down like this. He felt guilty of teasing her with something he already knew she had a problem with.  He wanted to take all his words back and kill everyone who talked absolute shit to her. Bagga was again trying to talk some shit things about her past.

Sid- Bagga stop otherwise I will forget everything around me

Sid took Sana with him towards the bedroom

Sana- ahhh! Please please nahi mujhe nahii sunna...mujhe nahi jaana bahar

Sid- koi kuch nahi keh raha baba...mein hoon idhar...idhar dekh kuch nahi hai

Sana- matt chilaao merepe...meine kuch nahi kiya...please matt chilaao...mujhe chod do

Sid then understood it was the voices in her head she was talking about. He tried to shake her off and called her a hundred times but she became more vulnerable. Sid then took her hand away and gave a tight slap on her right cheek to pull her back from her thoughts. She fell in his arms and stared at the ground and then she wrapped her hands around Sidharth and cried.

Sana- I am sorry. I am sorry. Mujhe maaf kar de. Mein sab thik kar dungi. Please mujhe akhri mauka dede. Please Mujhe matt chod ke jaa mein utni buri nahi hu. Tu mujhe marna hai maar mein kuch nahi bolungi.

Sid- Baby I am sorry I am sorry mujhe tujhpe haath uthaana pada I am sorry baby and please uth jaa idhar se. Please idhar dekh. Upar dekh baba

Sid brought her to their bed inside Captain's room. He rubbed her back and she cried a bit and apologised a lot. Sid threatened that if she kept on saying sorry, he would leave. She then wrapped her hands around his chest, wanting to stay hidden like a scared child. He kept a blanket around her. He could feel her temperature rising. Sid felt more guilty seeing her condition.

Sid (in mind)- Shit yaar meine kya kiya yaar wo toh unke hi team m thi unhi ke liye khelti aur humara toh pehle se clear tha na game se related humari koi expectations nahi hogi fir mein hi gadha hu jo uske is action se hurt hoke usse itna hurt kar diya. Uski wese bhi kal se tabyat thik nahi thi. Yaar Sidharth this is not done man tu Shefali ke saath mil gaya usse hurt karne ke liye??? Aur kya kya bole jaa rahi thi wo? Shame on you Sidharth wo tere liye puri duniya se ladh leti hai and you...(He felt her shivering)

Sid- mein hoon na. Tu kyun itna darr rahi hai? I am sorry meine itna kuch boldiya tujhe mein gusse m tha. Please mujhe maaf kar de darling. Mein kabhi tere liye kabhi stand nahi leta ulta tera ye halat ka karan bhi mein hoon. Please mujhe maaf karde...mein masti kar raha tha yaar kab itna aage chala gaya mujhe nahi samajh aaya.

Sana- Tu mujhe pagal samajh raha hoga na ese dekh ke? Please tu mujhe maaf karde mein bhi tujhe karr dungi pakka promise.

Sid- Bakwaas matt karo koi tumhe pagal nahi samazta aur kaun bola mein gusse m hu?

Sana- tu tha

Sid- Nahi baby...Soyegi tu? Soja...meds khana hai na ruk

Sana- yahan kissie kar (showing her forehead)

Sid gently kissed her forehead and then patted her head to make her fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about what Bagga said and her trial of bringing her past out here again. She is such a bitch. And Shehnaaz is so strong what struggles she has faced in life he can only imagine.

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