I Love You Still

Chapter 12. A Break Up

Claire's pov

I pace through the halls of our hotel, trying to decide what to say to frank when I call him. I just have to tell him it is best that we're not together and that he should move on. I dial his number and it rings a few times before he picks up.

''Hello darling,'' he says and tears immediately spring in my eyes, I would have to break his poor heart. ''Hello Frank,'' I say and he immediately asks me what's wrong. ''I'm alright, but we need to talk,''

''Of course,'' he answers unsure. ''Frank I think it is for the better if we break up,'' I blurt out. ''What why?'' he asks confused and a tear drops on my cheek. Poor Frank, I think. ''I do not think we can be together, I think I need to know who I am before I can be with you,'' I say and he mutters something I can't hear. '''What do you mean 'I need to know who I am before I can be with you?''

''I mean, that I have no life but you and Geillis, but I need to know Claire,'' I say, without telling him about Jamie or anything what happend the past time. ''I'm sorry Frank, but you deserve to be happy with someone who loves you as much as you love them. But I cannot be that person,'' I say and he scoffs on the other line. ''I want to be with you my sweet Claire, I do not want anyone else, I love you and you love me,''

''I know, but I cannot give you all of me since I don't even have all of me myself,'' Tears stream down my face by now. ''I'm really sorry Frank, really I am,''

''Then don't break up with me, it's not supposed to go this way! We are happy together, so please don't leave me,'' he says, his voice cracking a bit. ''Please Claire, do not do this to me, don't do this to us!''

I let out a sob. ''I'm sorry Frank, but it is over, please move on, you deserve it,'' I say and hang up immediately so I can't hear his response. I sit down on the ground and cry for a few minutes. I go to the toilet and splash some water in my face and walk back to the hotelroom.

''How'd go Claire?'' Ellen asks and I immediately break down in tears again. ''Oh lass,'' she embraces me and I cry in her shoulder for a little while. ''I don't know what to do, but whatever I do, I'll dissapoint people,''

She strokes my back softly and whispers sweet gaelic words. ''It'll be alright, whatever you do we are by your side, Mo nighean ghràdhach,''

''What did you call me?'' I ask softly and she repeats. ''Mo nighean ghràdhach,''

''It means my dear daughter, you used to call me that a lot, you used to call me 'Mo Nighean Bhíodheach' too, that means my beautifull girl.'' I say and Ellen smiles brightly. ''Ye remember,'' she says softly and I nod. ''I do, I do remember,''

''Oh Claire,'' she says and gives me a kiss on my forehead. ''You were trying to learn me how to cook too, as much as I can remember I sucked at it, and Jamie confirmed it with stories,'' she chuckles and I smile. ''Ye werena the best cook no, but ye were learning and doing better after every dish,''

I turn to Jenny who is sitting on a bed, smiling at what just happend. ''You called me Mo phiuthar ghrinn, and that means my sweet sister,''

''I did,'' she says and a tear forms in her eye. ''Come here,'' I open my arms and pull her in for a hug. ''I'm so glad ye remember,'' she whispers and I nod. ''Me too,''

A while later we are all in our pyjama's relaxing in the beds. ''How did it go with Frank?'' Jocasta asks and I shrug. ''I didn't want to break his heart but I don't really have choice. I'm all in for remembering who I was before because I have the feeling I was happier then I am now,''

Jocasta smiles and grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. ''We are very happy you're trying so hard, we've missed you a lot,'' they all smile at me and I smile back.