I Love You Still

Chapter 6. Answers

''Claire,'' I whisper softly before everything goes black.

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''Jamie? Jamie can you hear me? Jamie please!'' Jenny's urgent voice slowly becomes more clear. I open my eyes to find almost everyone looking at me worriedly. Jenny still has tears in her eyes and looks regretfull.

''I'm so sorry, I thought I saw Claire, did I faint?'' I ask when I stand up from the ground. ''Aye, ye did,'' Jenny says softly. ''I imagined Claire standing there and my brain must've fooled himself because that is absolutely not possible,'' I say half joking trying to lighten the mood.

''Jamie, ye didna imagine Claire,'' Mam says softly and now I notice how everyone has tears in their eyes. I look at the couch and see Claire standing beside it. ''Claire?'' I ask, suddenly my voice sounds hoarse and not normal like it did seconds ago. ''You must be Mr Fraser, James Fraser?'' she says politely.

''Mr Fraser? Why would ye call me that? Are ye even real? What is happening? Are ye dead or alive? Am I dead? Am I in heaven?'' A thousand thoughts go trough my mind and Mam grabs my arm and sits me down on the couch.

''Jamie, I don't have all the answer, but I have some. Yer not dead, and Claire is alive, but she has amnesia. She doesna remember any of us. The last things she does remember from before the accident is that she went back to school after her uncle Lamb's death,'' she says in a calm voice but her eyes say otherwise, being filled with tears.

I stand up and look at Claire who gives me a weak smile. ''Ye dinna remember me?'' I ask softly and she shakes her head. ''I'm sorry, I am truly but I don't remember any of you,''

I always thought I had met the most broken version of me when Claire died but the second she said she didna remember me, my heart got smashed to piece once again. Claire's alive! But she doesna ken who I am at all.

''Surely ye remember me? Or parts of me? I'm yer husband and yer my wife,'' I say with a sob following close after. ''I don't and I'm truly sure, but I just can't bring up any memory of you all,''

I sit back on the couch and Mam wraps her arms around me. ''Claire, I ken this is a lot to ask but would ye tell us everything from after the accident? Maybe it makes sense then, then we atleast have answers,'' Murtagh asks and Claire nods. ''Everything?''

''Aye please, tell me everything Claire, I need to know everything,'' I say my voice breaking down after every word. ''Of course,'' she says and I can see the regret in her eyes.

''Let's get some whisky Jamie, God knows we need it,'' Mam says and takes me with her to the kitchen. There I can't hold it together and break down completely after Mam closes the door. I cry in her shoulder and she keeps me close to her. I barely have the strenght to keep standing and my mom whispers soft and sweet words.

''She doesna remember me Mam.... oh she's alive but she doesna remember me... how- how? Just how...''

she strokes my back gently and shrugs. ''I dinna ken Jamie, I am truly sorry mo ghuille.''

''I dinna ken what to do, I've known she's alive for five minutes and it's like my whole life has been put upside down again!'' I mutter and Mam brushes me tears away from my cheek as she pulls away, but it has no use since new tears already dropped. ''I don't know the story, but she'll tell us all, dear,''

I nod and wipe away my tears again. We take the whisky bottles and glasses wi' us and sit down on the couch. Claire looks at me and she genuinely looks worried. ''Are you alright?'' She asks softly and I shurg. ''Honestly not really no, but let's not talk about that, tell us yer story please,''

''Yes I will,'' she says and gratefully takes the whisky Murtagh offered her. Mam and Jenny both sit beside me holding me for comfort. Ian has taken place in the lazy chair and Dad, Murtagh and Jocasta sit on the big couch while Claire sits in one of the relax chairs in front of everyone. And then she tells her story in parts.