I Love You Still

Chapter 11. The trip

Claire's pov, December 22 2010

We drive for around 2 hours before we arrive at her hotel. We go out for lunch and talk about Jenny and Ian's plan for a 4th child. They first said they didn't want a new one so soon after the others but they discussed it again and decided they didn't want to wait to long.

After lunch we go to the spa to relax and when we're in the sauna Ellen asks a question. ''Do ye ken about Jamie's habit? What he used to do when grieving about ye,''

''No, I don't think so, why? What was it?'' I ask curouisly. ''Mam are ye sure ye shouldna let Jamie tell his own tales?'' Jenny asks and Ellen shakes her head. ''He should but he won't, ye ken that,'' They must've seen the question marks in my eyes as they start to explain. ''Jamie wants to tell you everything about ye and yer life before but is afraid of scaring ye away,'' Jenny says and I nod.

''Jamie listened to yer voicemail, the one ye sent before ye died,'' Ellen says and I immediately feel emotional. ''He did?'' I ask softly and she nods. ''I once caught him listening to it, he tried to say it was nothing but admitted it later,''

''How often?'' I ask, tears burning in my eyes. ''How often did he listen to it, ye mean?'' Ellen asks and I nod. ''He told me 3 times, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were more often,''

''What did it say? What did I say in the voicemail?'' she gives me a weak smile before answering. ''I think it's best if you listen to it yerself,'' I nod and leave the room with a quick apology.

I walk down the halls with nothing but a bikini and a rope. Teardrops fall on my cheek and I check my phone to see if Jamie has texted me back. He hasn't.

''Are you alright?'' Jenny asks softly and I give her a weak smile.''Yeah, I just feel so guilty towards Jamie, really towards all of you,'' Jenny puts her hand on my shoulder. ''Why?''

''Because all of you are so kind to me, taking me in without hesitation, helping me with no doubt while I'm here trying to figure what the fuck I want,'' tears spill down my face and Jenny wipes them away with her thumb. ''It's alright Claire, we would do it all for you, we may be enstranged a bit but you're still my sister, you're still our family,''

''I don't know why you all act so kind towards me, I feel like a terrible person not remembering you all,'' she smiles and lets out a laugh. ''Weel, yer no' a bad person, Claire. And no mater what you do, we will stand by you forever,''

''I know, thank you,'' she hugs me and I hold her close. It all feels too familiar to not be real, and only for a second I wanted to call Frank to tell him that we're over and I never want to see him again because I found better people, but I can't, I wouldn't be fair.

Jenny takes me back to the sauna and we continue to just relax, something I clearly need. After all the massages and stuff we go out for dinner. ''Can you tell me something about Jamie? What he is like?'' I ask and they all look eager to talk.

'' Well he's kind, caring, lovely and a hardworker. He would do just everything for the people he loves,'' Ellen says and I know I see Jamie just like that. ''He loves horses to ye ken? He adores them, wether that's horse riding or taking care of him, he loves being around them.''

''It makes him feel free doesn't it?'' I ask and Jocasta nods. ''It does, it always has, since he was a little boy,'' she tells me and I can feel a smile creep on my lips. ''I saw him the other day, scratching their ears. He smiled and his eyes were filled with joy.''

''Yer blushing Claire,'' Jenny points out and I nod. ''Perhaps,''

They all grin at me and I give them a weak smile. ''Have ye broken up wi' Randall?'' Ellen asks then and I shake my head. ''Not yet, but I will. Today. He deserves honesty and I need freedom for now,''