I Love You Still

Chapter 19. Geillis

Claire's pov, 2 january 2011

When Jamie and I had come home to Lallybroch we found out they had installed camera's all around the house. At first I felt horrible. They weren't supposed to live like this because of me but Jamie had assured me it was only just in case. Frank had called me another few times but I just ignored his calls, Jamie suggested buying a new one and I agreed, we were to go to buy a new one in a couple of days. The new years party had been great. It was only with Ellen, Brian, Jenny, Ian, their children, William, Murtagh and Jocasta.

It had been a cozy evening, filled with lots of love. William had kept researching and found at that the person donating lots of money to the hospital was Stephen Bonnet. One of Frank's close friends. They often talked in his studies but I was never allowed to know. Frank called it ''business'' but its much more, that I realise now. I told them both about it and they didn't look at all surprised. ''He must've had great connections,'' Jamie muttered after I asked them why they weren't surpised. William had told us he'd look into the airport to see if there was any registration of me or any private airplanes that had flown from the airport that day. He had also advised talking to the police since they could do a great deal more then he and Murtagh possible could.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to, I wanted him locked away yes, but what if we couldn't in an instant and he were to get free. He would most definately do something to me or the family.

I was slowly comes donwstairs at 10 am, still feeling exhausted but doing my best to try and hide it. Jamie made a cup of coffee and placed it in front of me before sitting down beside me. Gently he takes my hand and squeezes is slightly. ''Claire, we need to talk,'' he says softly and I turn to him and nod. ''What is it?'' he takes a deep breath and I give him a slight smile. ''I'm worried about ye,'' I frowned and Jamie continued. ''Yer always tired, Claire. You were never like that.. before but now you're always tired, and it scares me a wee bit,''

I try to reassure him with a smile but he pulls his hands away. ''Claire, when did you have sex with Frank for the last time? How long ago was it?'' He asks and I give him a little look of dissaprovement. ''Claire will you tell me?'' I ask softly and she snaps. ''Why do you want to fucking know Jamie?'' I stand up and retreat myself from the kitchen. ''Just tell me, please,'' I say, as calm as possible.

''I think it was the end of november! I think around two weeks before I came here, is that what you wanted to hear?'' she yells and I nod. ''When did you have your last course?'' he asks yet another question. ''Jesus Jamie! Are you trying to interrogate me?!''

''Just tell me! Please!'' he demands. ''I'm no impatient fast, Claire, but please tell me!'' I sigh and then realise. ''I was supposed to have it two weeks ago, but I didn't,'' Jamie sighs and squeezes his eyes shut painfully. ''Are you pregnant, Claire?'' he asks and I look up at him. His eyes are still shut and I walk to him. Gently I take his hand and stroke it gently. ''Do you think I am?'' I ask and he opens his eyes and I can see a tear. ''I want ye pregnant, but no' by him,''

''It can be that I missed my course because of the stress and the tiredness... cause of everything what happend these past days,'' I try to reason but he shakes his head. ''You havena been a day late in yer courses ever! Not when ye stressed about all yer tests nor anything else! I must be,'' a tear drops and I wipe it away immediately. ''Call Laoghaire, maybe she's willing to help, Jamie,'' he nods and immediately takes out his phone. ''Laoghaire, hi, it's Jamie and Claire. Can you do a bloodtest on Claire?'' he asks and Laoghaire immediately responds with a yes. We set up an appointment for the next day to do the bloodtest, when he hangs up I ask why. ''Because it can see if ye are sick too, its easier that way,''

We spent the rest of the day doing nothing, just relaxing. At the end of the day I go outisde for a walk, alone. I can't shake the thought of what Jamie said. ''Pregnant'' Could I be pregnant? Would I keep the baby if I was? I would love my baby yes but what if it turned out to be a monster just like it's father possibly is? I must've been outside for a while as Jamie's worried face appears in front of me. ''Sassenach? Are ye alright?'' he asks worriedly taking my hands. ''Jamie, I can't stay here with if I'm pregnant,''