Broken texts

~eds~

you know the thing about eds is that they never leave. they do, however, evolve and change but, they are always there. i used to count my calories and make myself starve for days, and now, i cant stop the hunger from consuming me and forcing me towards binge eating. consequently, i feel insanely guilty and i give in once again, hence the aftermath. i cant believe im so weak, i cant even stand the face and body that stare at me from the mirror, i cant fathom the idea of gaining weight, but i cant stop eating either. i feel so powerless and so so so tired and its hard to wake up each day, fighting the need to harm myself or to make myself vomit, im so tired of being here and of my mind. i cant stand any of this and i wish everything would get better, i wish my anxiety and my traumas and my depression would just improve, but instead, its just an endless cycle of suffering. im sick