Du Nord: The Believing heart lost years (EN)

Noctu Orfei Aude Fraetor

Saturday 30 September 2006, Luna Nova

"The Claiomh Solais disaster happened and it definitely changed Croix into something I'd never seen before, either she's always been like this, or it's something else, but it's all very strange, to this day, I can't understand this turn of events in my life, the relationship I had with her that was perfect before never went back to the way it was before, she didn't speak to me that day after the event or the day after, I explained everything I needed to explain to my mum and she was very alert to everything, when I thought she wouldn't even believe anything."

Now she knows everything that's happened, I hope she believes it a little, even though it's the most travelled story there is, at least I can say that those things that Woodward predicted have happened, which I still think is quite exaggerated, I can see that Mum Laura has a very apprehensive expression, I didn't expect something like this from her, it's really quite unexpected.

"Croix really did succumb to her fixation with Claiomh Solais, I was warning her about it, April too, but I think we made a mistake by telling her about this legend... We wanted to give her hope that she could change the world, but it was more our mistake..." I'm even a little confused by Mum's reaction.

"But how did she get that way? Do you really think Croix would do the absurd things Woodward told me?" I ask my mum and she nods.

"I don't doubt anything girl, she could be quite mad about all this, even more disgusted with the system, in any case, we have to focus now, you will start the search for the seven words with me, I will give you all the possible teachings, so you can soon open the seal and we will also talk to Croix, I came with April for this, when you told me that you had a bad fight with her I thought it would be a good idea to bring her mother too" I don't know if now I can move on and do this thing of moving on so naturally.

"Mum... After all this I just wish this day hadn't happened, all I can think about is giving up..." I say very quietly and tearfully, and she hugs me.

"I understand you girl, I understand you, it's not easy to move on when things like this happen, I'm not going to put pressure on you or anything, look we're going to get everything right first and then we'll think about what to do with this little thing" I continue to cry some more on Mum Laura's shoulder.

I think I've grown up a lot, but I still haven't let my younger side out of me, I'm still just a crying baby wanting Mummy, that's shameful, but at the same time I can't feel any different after all that's happened. Croix changing like that really shook me up, I didn't expect my girlfriend or whatever she is now to turn out like that.

"Do you think she still loves me?" I ask Mum.

"Of course she will, she won't stop loving you because of this, Croix isn't a bad person, she's a good person, it was just the stress of the moment, soon she'll be back with you and all this will pass" I keep getting pats on the back, which makes me feel a little less bad.

"I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of having to see what Woodward predicted come true, of having this burden, this weight, I didn't want to do this, I just wanted to be the Shiny Chariot, to perform on stage, to cheer up the children, not to have a mission in my hands that was never mine, I feel like a thief having this, I don't deserve it mum... I never cared about that" I cry for a while and she wipes my tears away again.

"Don't say that! You both deserved it, Woodward wouldn't give you up because you don't deserve it, she saw the potential in you, and that phrase that Croix always says, your magic is believing in yourself, that thing you say every show? Put a little smile on your face, you're no less than Croix for being chosen, I know you could both be chosen for your qualities, now let's cheer up a bit with something else, shall we girl?" I nod my head in agreement.