Du Nord: The Believing heart lost years (EN)

2009

Wednesday 31 December 2009, Dublin, Ireland

"I'd given up on the stage for good, that time Shiny Chariot had definitely died, and this time I didn't know what else to do, but I always looked at my social networks, at my performance clothes, still quite reluctant, feeling that weight of what it is to be famous, always wanting to start going back to the stage, it always hit me, but I didn't want to go back, after seeing how the Shiny Chariot copy scandal turned out, in the meantime I stopped and went home, I even sold everything and made almost nothing, it was just a loss, I was indecisive and a new year was starting, I needed to think of something to do."

The year is already coming to an end, who would have thought that 2008, which was supposed to be a year of comebacks, would only turn out to be a year full of twists and turns and serve to confirm that I'm going to give up for good, I sit reflectively in the tree house, I see my girlfriend arriving with food, this cold New Year's Eve, I don't know what to do anymore, my life has exhausted all the options that I would have thought could help me.

"As I said, I've brought us something, you've been very quiet today, in fact, ever since we came home, I've seen you sadder" said my girlfriend.

"Yeah, I try to cheer myself up, but it's always very difficult to cheer yourself up when things are the way they are, I wish I could smile at least once" I say to her.

"Well love, we can try new things, go out more, play with the girls, think of new things for 2009, have you thought about joining Mrs Jordan in creating games? You can draw like nobody's business, you could help her a lot with that, or we could even work together on my history books" I never thought about that.

"The second option you mentioned may sound tempting" I say with my hand on my chin.

"Let's try it this way, I just need someone to listen to my crazy ideas, and even better, you're an excellent designer, have you thought about selling your art online too? We'll do a comeback where you can still make people smile, you don't necessarily have to go on stage" I'll listen to my girlfriend and maybe I'll consider this idea.

"Well, it's better than doing nothing and being a burden in this house" I say to my girlfriend, who looks at me worriedly.

"Don't say that about yourself Chariot, you'll never be a burden here, you're just the kind of person who always helps, love... You're not a burden, believe in yourself" said my girlfriend.

"I've also been thinking here and I'm going to try to train my body a bit during this time, just to get stronger, with my mum's help I want to get stronger and be able to defend this place, and I can be more useful later on" I say as I eat.

"You know you've got my full support, love" I smile.

We're eating, looking at the sky, the stars in the sky, I get really reflective about these things, it's good that I'm drawing, I think I'm going to try this new thing, it's been a while since I've dedicated myself to it, I hope I'm not rusty, but I can't adopt my own name, I have to think of a pseudonym for an artist.
I look at the constellations, I know what each one is like, I think I'll come up with something really starry, that'll be my artist name, I already know what my pseudonym will be on the internet, the constellation Ursa Major, it could be something like that, also a tribute to Arcas who is watching over Luna Nova now, missing me.

"It really has been a year full of things, hasn't it love, apart from your career we've experienced a lot of great things" I nod my head in agreement.

"I've been able to forget all about Croix, all the damage she did to me has almost healed, all I can think about is you, you're proving to be the best choice, the choice of the best girlfriend" I say smiling and then we kiss.