Du Nord: The Believing heart lost years (EN)

18 years of Chariot Du Nord

Wednesday 20 February 2008, Luna Nova

"After the disaster that was performing at Glastonbury, being sabotaged, I was confirmed, I couldn't rehearse or perform again in any way until my graduation and so I had to say that the last performance was made by a copy of me, so there were many rumours spread, even because they thought the person looked like me, but most believed and still thought that I had mysteriously disappeared, I don't know why things ended up that way... I only had one chance to do well by presenting and it was gone like the wind."

I wake up today and I get a kiss on the forehead from my girlfriend who smiles at me, I even try to smile back, but I haven't cheered up for a long time, I'm just getting really down, after everything that's happened, I don't even know how I'm going to move on, I just sit down and put my hand on my head, feeling all down, I even huff, which comes from my girlfriend going to hug me from behind being affectionate.

"Do you know what day it is?" She asks.

"Wednesday?" Daniella replied, still very tired.

"No, you silly girl, today is your birthday, today you turn eighteen, you're finally a grown woman!" Oh yeah, I forgot today, whatever.

"Now I don't have to be lucky when I go to buy cigarettes or booze, I just have to show my ID, wow" I say without any enthusiasm and she can see how down I still am.

"You've been very depressed lately, love, I know you're still affected by what happened at the last concert, but I'll do everything I can to try and put a smile on your face, at least today, it's such a special day, you can't be that sad" I admire that she's trying, but I'm not really into it, I just want it to be over soon.

I just keep very quiet and go to the bathroom, where I look at myself in the mirror rather dejectedly with dark circles under my eyes, which I start to brush my teeth, looking down at myself in the mirror, while I'm getting ready for another day at school, I haven't even trained the girls, since the headmistress said that this could also be a form of rehearsal, everything that used to cheer me up, now doesn't anymore, I'm really depressed. Worst of all is being away from my family now, my mum is forbidden to come here and everything.
I finish getting ready and go back to my room where I'm holding back the tears, a day that was supposed to be so special is going to be sad, just like any other day, I never thought this would be my birthday.

[...]

The classes were normal like any other, I only ended up getting a happy birthday from the girls in my class, who kept saying my name and at break the first year girls also spoke to me, apart from that nothing much, I even tried to fake a smile a little, but it's obvious to everyone how depressed I was.
I leave the classroom with my friends, I go down the corridors, but I'm signalled by Professor Watson, what a good thing I haven't spoken to her today, I go to her, she must have something to talk to me about, I'm sure, I go into her classroom without any students, she closes the door and can see my very downcast face.

"Still depressed, aren't you? I completely understand you, I have my suspicions about who might have sabotaged your show, but anyway, I came to talk to you if you're still thinking about any of the proposals we talked about and also to see if you're okay, today is your birthday Chariot, you're turning eighteen, congratulations - I even wave at her pretending to be excited.

"Happy birthday to me, I'm eighteen" I say despondently.

"How sad you are today" I really am but there's nothing to be happy at all so whatever.

"Yeah, there's no way, today was a day I wanted to be able to smile a bit more, but I have no reason to, I just want to tell you that maybe I'll think about this proposal one day, I still want to try and make a success of what I'm doing..." I say down.