Du Nord: The Believing heart lost years (EN)

The bomb drops at home

Monday 6 August 2007, Dublin, Ireland

"Well, I just left for home as soon as possible and managed to catch a flight, so the last show of the tour, which was to be in New York, was cancelled and never took place, which Shiny Chariot fans to this day always wonder if it did, the reality is that it would have ended the same way as the Los Angeles show, I just left and that was the last time I spoke to Croix, until she came back here to Luna Nova 10 years later, which was something to shake me up, but anyway, now is the time that everyone will hear the news, at least the family, especially me who was still very shaken up by Mum Bernadette's death.

I arrive with my eyes almost nailed shut, since I practically didn't sleep the whole flight, I was just focused and thinking about getting home, I didn't even take my suitcase, just my most important things, like money and documents, which I looked around for, I left at around 10pm to arrive here at 9pm the next day, I take a deep breath, I walk through the terminal, well as expected there would be no one.
I went outside and got a taxi, specifying my home address, where I looked around, almost crying, I'd left everything behind, Claiomh Solais, my presentations, Croix, everything to go back and give up, I honestly don't know how I'm going to recover after all this.
I get home, pay the taxi fare, get out of the car and look around, I'm even snorting a bit, I know it's going to be complicated, I walk inside, past the fence, open the little gate, I open the door, as I enter the house I see that everyone is in the living room, I come in and see Mum Laura sitting watching TV eating ice cream, Next to her is Hellene, Grandma and Grandpa, Holly has no idea, she's asleep while everyone else is watching television, I'm all out of it, I'm still afraid, I even try to open my mouth to say something, but I accidentally step on something and everyone looks at me, so I can't help myself and I start to cry.

"Chariot!" Mum gets up and comes running to hug me.

"Oh Chariot, did something happen? You came so early, we thought you'd stay the whole tour" said my grandmother.

"Yes, it happened..." I say, still crying a lot and I look right into my mum's eyes, who was already crying and wipes my tears away.

"I know how terrible it must have been to receive news like that, I told Croix that it would be better to cancel the performances, but she told me that you were going to rock, then recently I hear that the performance in New York has been cancelled, that the one in Los Angeles no one knows what happened, I started to worry, just as I can't get in touch with her at all, tell me what happened if you want, my child" Mum said and I nodded, going over to the sofa.

I sit there tired and crying, I see everyone welcoming me, my grandparents even offering me ice-cream, which I make a point of eating because I'm hungry, I see the television showing cartoons, I feel like staying and watching, going back to being a child where I didn't have to do any of this, but I can't stop thinking about the things that have happened recently.
I take a deep breath, staring into everyone's eyes, and I think I'd better confess straight away, I know they're my family.

[...]

I cried even more as I told them everything, I knew it couldn't be good news, but here we are, we've come as far as we can, I see expressions of shock among the three of them, they couldn't have imagined that things would take such a turn, but it was the truth, I won't hide it from anyone, I'd rather they knew straight away.

"Chariot..." My mum said.

"All I want more than anything is to get away from Croix, to never go near her again, to see her far away, now there's no second chance, well Mum Bernadette was right about that, I shouldn't have stayed with that girl, she only hurt me and used me..." I say as I cry.