Because Of Her Jacket

Chapter Twenty

Confusion & confessions
♡ Tammy ♡

"You look like crap" Skylar says jokingly as I enter the kitchen.

"You smell like crap" Isa reply groggily.

From the kitchen counter, Mom gasps, "Tamara!" She sounds horrified.

"I'm joking" I grumble, plopping down next to Ryder at the kitchen table.

"Don't talk like that to your sister" Mom lectures.

Skylar and Ryder frown- they know I'm joking, I scoff, "who's saying? The mom that raises me or the one that kist records and walks away?" I ask boldly.

Mom turns around, her brows furrowed with anger, confusion and what I think is hurt.

Before she can saying anything I just grab my bag from the laundry room and walk out- because truth is; after I left Fiona's house I stayed up all night thinking and thinking and thinking about everything.

"You can't just look at her that way and not care" I remembered the words of that girl and they just repeated in my head over and over again.

Does Fiona like me? What does any of this mean? Because I haven't been in love since I was in like middle to early high school and I can't wrap my head around it all.

Mom doesn't follow me and of course she doesn't- probably to busy doing "get ready with me to take my kids to school" and painting herself as someone who cares. Well she's not, she's not someone who cares and I'm sick of her acting like she is.

Like she cares about any of us anymore and dad? Dad's never paying attention but at least he doesn't play the "perfect" father role.

It's more than I can say about his wife- and up until a few days or weeks ago, more than I can say for my siblings, too.

The car ride to school is painfully slow as I try and figure out what I'm supposed to do.

Avoidance is never the answer, but maybe this once I should make it. Maybe this once I should avoid someone because I might maybe just like them too much to be their "friend". I've been friends with people who liked someone else before, it pained me.

So maybe I really should leave it alone.

But my mind is made up as soon as I get to school, as soon as I walk to my locker and a familiar brown haired girl is standing there, leaning against it and looking at the ground.

And everything I fear and feel that's so confusing yet so familiar? It all disappears.

"Hey best cartwheeler in the world" I smile.

"Hey" she smiles back, it's this unrecognizable emotion in her eyes that causes my lips to part slightly and I have no idea what to say but I want to make her feel better.

"I'm sorry I didn't go to the party" she blurts out.

My brows cock up, "o-oh it's okay" I shift awkwardly, "I realized it probably wasn't your kind of setting" I pause, "sorry I randomly appeared at your house like a weirdo".