Childhood Memories

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Nurses and doctors dedicate their lives to saving -

they save lives, they save families; and they love it;

That's why Aviana used to think someday she would

become a nurse, too, the kind of nurse that works with

moms and babies! Whenever Brynn wanted to play the

doctor during pretend, Aviana would beg to be the nurse;

Together they would deliver babies and tell moms if their

babies were healthy in their bellies; Lilly liked to check in

patients with her princess coloring book and triangle-shaped

crayons, scribbling down all of their pretend information -

those were the best of times and Aviana loved it;

Now, well, it was the worst of times and she didn't

think she wanted to be a nurse anymore; in fact,

the idea of working in medicine made her physically

ill - she no longer wanted to save lives and help

families, or take care of babies; Aviana simply wanted

to live a simple, boring, plain life where nothing ever

happened, and nothing ever changed; and it would be

perfect - perfect and oh so predictable; reliable! safe!

Aviana dreamed of a future where she didn't have to

be a brave bird fighting an invisible monster all the time -

she dreamed of that too - time; she wanted more of it;

Those memories feel distant and far away, almost

as though they didn't belong to her, even though

it was certainly her face in them when she closed

her eyes after long days of treatment and car rides -

The little girl and her family started to think of their

life in two distinct parts: before cancer and after it;

Everything felt more than that to Aviana, the feeling

was more like she had become a new person entirely;

Life before cancer seemed to belong to someone else,

which made her feel like an alien in her skin; truthfully,

sometimes she couldn't tell if the cancer was foreign

or if she was the invader, and it made her ache for

the ability to forget this part of her childhood, if it were

to ever end; Aviana did not want the memories of

her cancer treatment following her around forever -

no! Aviana tells her parents all the time that she just

wants to grow so old that she never has to worry about

being sick like this again, and they just nod their heads.

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