Sometimes, well, most days, Aviana feels like an afterthought,
a side character in a movie or a game she can't even watch or play;
When she is awake, the world looks half rendered and blurry,
and when people speak? It's like listening to white noise cutting a
show into pieces because of a broken antenna like what her
mom talked about whenever they stayed in a cabin to camp and
she would complain with Lilly that their favorite show wasn't
working, and her mom would grumble that they need electronics
to be entertained, Aviana would always end up taking Lilly outside
with a reluctant Brynn to catch fireflies in their hands just to set
them free again; Whenever Aviana could put together a complete
thought, she thought about the games on her mom's phone and
the tablet that let her start over whenever she wanted, and she wished
against all the odds she could restart or abandon the game; If this -
If there was any chance - that this was a simulation - could it just end?
Aviana was already tired, but she grew more weary at the idea that
she must persist through this thick fog that makes up the bulk of her
existence each day; She can't even tell when Brynn and Lilly stay
home because she's just waking and sleeping from one dose of meds
to the next - one wake to one sleep to one wake - floating in and out
of life the way she used to half pay attention to her teachers when
she was drawing on her papers; Aviana's prayers, when she can
even think of anything for one, are made of up of her asking God, or
whoever actually has the controller to her life, to just let her go;
"Create a new character," she whines to herself when the pain
medications aren't working hard enough to subdue her body into
a complacent stupor; She doesn't believe that she's in a life
simulation game, but sometimes it is simpler to think it's as easy
as hitting a button; the comfort of control is an illusion that works
better than any medication she could ever be prescribed, because
at least she knew what to expect when her mind drank it up.
YOU ARE READING
terminal
PoetryThis is an epic poem that tells the tale of Aviana - the middle sister in her family of five who is diagnosed with cancer at just six years of age. It will be a raw telling of how terminal illness wreaks havoc in the lives of those touched by it whe...
