terminal

Oh, the light!

First, there is a buzzing, like a bug in Aviana's ear, or a tiny

hummingbird zooming by, and it is so loud and quiet at the same

time that she can barely process that it isn't real and that nobody

else is hearing it; Second, there is helium in her veins, or at least

it feels like it because she is absolutely certain that she is starting

to float and drift, just like a birthday balloon; Third, everything gets

oh so bright, like when someone shines a flashlight right in your eyes;

and Aviana can't keep her eyes open as it gets brighter and brighter,

the weight of it is too strong and it is forcing her down; Third, the

darkness that follows as she is beaten down by the light, it feels like

nothingness - it is neither light nor heavy, it is neither too much or

imperceptible, it simply envelopes Aviana in its wholeness;

Fourth, there is a sharp shock, there's something sharp picking at

her veins, there are loud voices replacing the silence that followed

the unwanted buzzing that started it all, and there is pain - so -

much - pain; Fifth, Aviana feels the way drunk people look, languid

and lethargic and lost, and she comes to in a hospital bed where

she is surrounded by her family: mother, father, sisters, but also

grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... Sixth, Aviana talked about

what happened to her and she was told by her sisters, only after

all of the adults left the room, that Aviana had a close call - Little Lilly

frowned, picking as the loose stitching on the side of her shorts,

"They said you were flat," and even though Lilly did not know what

she just said, Aviana knew what her sister meant: flatlined -

When talking with nurses she learned about heart rates and pulse;

Aviana learned that when the heart stopped, the lines went

flat - they called it "flatlining" because there were no more sharp

mountains on their tiny screens; She never asked what they

had to do if someone flatlined, what do they do to make it

jump back up? She looked to Brynn with wide eyes - begging

eyes - pleading eyes, "What did they have to do?" but...

Brynn shakes her head, and Lilly covers her eyes, then reveals:

"She was in the front yard when the ambulance came," and

that is all Aviana needed to hear to know what Lilly must have

seen as they had her wrapped in white sheets on a stretcher,

oh, and how many cartoons had she seen with dead like that -

Aviana shook her head and tried to wave at her little sister,

"They probably just gave me a shot or something! I bet...

It wasn't even that bad," Aviana lies the way the adults lie,

and Lilly scurries to climb onto her bed, sitting between her feet;

"Doctors give me shots too! They make me safe," she hums,

Even though Lilly's innocent heart is fluttering ignorant to the

truth, Brynn's heart broke on her cheeks and in her quivering

lips; They looked into each other's soul, both knowing - both

hurting - pretending to be the invincible big sisters for the sake

of the true baby bird in their nest; Lilly doesn't need to know.