She doesn't know if it happened slowly or all at once, but it happened -
A morning came when Aviana was too weak to sit upright in bed, and
then she threw up all over her covers - she stayed home from school that
day; When it happened again that afternoon, and evening, and at four
in the morning, her parents decided to keep her home the whole week;
Usually, one of her parents would just stay home with her, but sometimes
they had to ask an aunt, uncle, or grandparent to come; and once they
even had to ask to Brynn to stay home from school to sit with her;
Aviana liked that day because Brynn let her watch movies with kissing
and sometimes there was a naked butt; Brynn explained that normally she
would never break that rule, but Aviana needed a giggle and something to
take her mind off the fact that she is sick; They talked about falling in love
and how someday Brynn would find someone she loves and that she would
probably, definitely, see that person's butt; Brynn talked about wanting to be
a mom someday, and how she would name her first daughter after Aviana,
that way Aviana would have a second chance at living a full life - it made her
sad to hear Brynn talk about a future she would never get to see, and that
she would want her first daughter to be an extension of her; Aviana told her
that it had to be a middle name, "So that she gets to still be a new girl," and
it made Brynn cry so hard, but she promised; Once Lilly refused to leave the
house for school because she said she felt in her heart that she needed to
stay home with Aviana; it was a battle her parents refused to fight because
they would not deny the girls time with their dying sister; and Aviana was
so aware that she was dying most days that she talked about herself as if
she was already gone; Worse than that? Nobody tries to correct her either;
So she treats it like practice - as the white light in her sleep gets whiter,
and waking up gets harder - Aviana will change the way she speaks about
herself and encourage others to make the transition slowly; It will be
less shocking that way, she thinks, if they all just look at the light and walk
towards it with confidence; Didn't her mom say something once? Wasn't it -
about a moth and a flame? Even if she can't remember what it was that
prompted her mother to say it, Aviana feels like she might be the moth -
and she thinks maybe the flame is the light, the end of the tunnel that means
she is certainly dead and there's no turning back; If she is a moth, she hopes
that she is like the pretty ones with bright greens and blues, the ones that
look more like butterflies in the night, that would be a treat to be something
beautiful through the darkness; Is there a way to wear dying well?
YOU ARE READING
terminal
PoetryThis is an epic poem that tells the tale of Aviana - the middle sister in her family of five who is diagnosed with cancer at just six years of age. It will be a raw telling of how terminal illness wreaks havoc in the lives of those touched by it whe...