terminal

How to Exist

Everyone spends time with Aviana in shifts, and the day starts with mom;

Her mom reads her books, and watches movies with her until Brynn wakes,

and then they trade off so that mom can wake up Lilly and make breakfast;

Brynn sits with Aviana and they mostly write stories together, where Aviana

helps Brynn come up with ideas and they just write everything down until

it is time for breakfast - which is when everyone piles into her room to eat;

They all take turns reviewing what they are going to do for the day and who

is sitting with Aviana and the nurse, if anything deviates from the norm; If she

can, Aviana will make requests for what they do for the day; When she feels

strong enough, she sits up and does puzzles; and the days when she can't,

she will ask if they can have a quiet day instead; On quiet days, there is an

understanding that Lilly can't have her slot alone because she struggles to

be silent for long periods of time, so on those days, Aviana's mom will find

a friend who suddenly wants Lilly to come over and play; It becomes their

normal, and it isn't until summer is nearly over, which she knows because

Lilly is showing off all her new school supplies that she picked out based

on what she thought Aviana would like so that it is like they're at school

together, Aviana feels something very complete weigh her body down;

She doesn't have a word or a phrase to describe what she feels that

also makes her know that she's going to die very soon - she is almost

certain that she'll die in just a few days - and she hasn't even started

really saying good-bye to her family; So she starts asking for people to

visit so that she can start getting her last visits in before it is too, too late;

The nurse helps her make a list of who she wants to visit and when; and

her parents obviously know what is happening but they play the role of

none-the-wiser very well and make all of the arrangements; Aunts and

uncles and cousins came to backyard dinner thrown together on a whim;

Aviana is moved to the living room into a recliner so she can talk to

them as they come in and out; She spends much of her breath on telling

everyone how much she loves them and her favorite memories, even

the other kids, and it's a sweet night that winds down far too late and

with adults carrying sleeping kids out the front door, and soon the

nurse takes her into her bedroom and sets her back up to sleep;

The grandparents are next, and she wants them around for breakfast

so that her parents can go out for coffee together, and after they

get the girls off to school, they come to sit with her; She asks them