terminal

Posture

The doctors are asking her to hold her head up, but -

she finds it too heavy to have upon her shoulders;

Aviana's mother tells the doctor that she complains of

back pain and a stiff neck, which he says is from the

slumping of her body forward; Then her father asks, "Well,

what should we do? She says her head is too heavy to lift?"

The doctor nods knowingly, and then asserts that this is

normal for her condition, asserting, "This round of chemo

will weaken her significantly. If we don't see improvements..."

Aviana interrupts, "I'm not getting better, am I?" Everyone turns,

sucks the stale air into their healthy lungs, and they bite their tongues -

Aviana rolls her head to the side so she can look at them, and again

speaks, "I won't get better, will I?" The doctor touches her knee

and looks at her parents, Aviana knows all too well the pain in his eyes

because she sees it in her own when she is trying to brush her teeth

or washing her hands in the bathroom; He aches to tell her the truth;

"Oh, little bird, I wish we knew the answer, but we will keep

hoping against hope that something will work," her mother

breathes what little life there is left to give in that strangled

moment, and Aviana watches not her parents but the doctor

and the way he tenses up before forcing a smile for Aviana,

before squeezing her knee, before he wraps her mother's

hopeless hope up in bandages meant to protect wound until

a better solution is found; "We never give up until we have

to, and there's still options to try," but he's only as convincing

as his dull eyes let him be and Aviana has become an expert

in finding truths in the irises of liars and pretenders; The doctor

isn't hoping against hope for healing, but rather, hoping

against hope that there will be no further suffering; Aviana

takes the side of the doctor, using all of her strength in that

split second to lurch forward and hug him; during which time

he suggests getting a recliner and a neck pillow to help

with Aviana posture to alleviate the pain from being too weak

to hold her own body up; Father says they will do just that, and

her mother even promises they will get an adjustable mattress

for when she is in her room - ending the appointment on a

mostly positive note; As positive as it could be, Aviana figured.