Promise

lighter//colder

It's the middle of september and my contract is ending this month. I'm tired and exhausted,
I cannot wait to leave. I spent the last few weeks talking to seunghan a lot. I wasn't getting along well with other trainees at all. Especially the girls seemed to have something against me. Or maybe it's just my anxiety telling me stupid lies. I could barely keep myself together these days, it was getting to my mental health so bad, I had relapsed. When I thought my scars finally faded, even more came and it was more painful than ever. I know it's bad to rely on a person so much, especially when we wouldn't last anyway. There's no one left to blame but me. I knew it from the start. Still I was hoping that we could work it out.
The both of us were here to chase our dreams in first place. If any of us debuted, there will be no chance of us being together.

Those thoughts come up everytime I zone out.
I'm reflecting a lot these days since I have nothing else to do. The only thing I have to look forward to is Riki's debut and the end of the month now. Today the last episode of I-land will be released. They'll announce their debut line. I'm patiently waiting for Seunghan behind the sm building on the staircase, he promised me to show me the episode live. According to my watch it's starting in 7 minutes. And there he is. My savior. I don't think I've appreciated Seunghan enough in my time here. He made it a lot easier for me.

"Looks like you've been waiting" he sits next to me and gets his phone out. "Thank you Seunghan. It means a lot to me" I thank him, which I couldn't do enough. Seunghan is like the older brother I never had. "Of course. If it didn't mean so much to you I wouldn't help you, you're my little sister after all" he chuckles and ruffles my hair. He goes on the website that's streaming I-land and clicks on the countdown button. In 4 minutes, it says, the group will be decided. Those are the longest 4 minutes in my life. Seunghan got some snacks out of his bag. He knew that if he didn't get me anything, I might die due to starvation. I bite in my gimbap and suddenly the live begins. My heart is beating faster and faster I might pass out. After long talking and reminded moments of all the contestants. The first one to debut is announced. Yang jungwon. I used to see him around, he was also close with Jake I suppose. The second one was Jay, which I didn't doubt at all. The third one to debut is Jake. My two friends are debuting together isn't that great?? I was so happy for them. But my heart kept beating faster. And now, the 4th Contestant to debut is revealed. I couldn't keep my tears in when I heard His name. My Riki is debuting.
I hugged Seunghan and sobbed. All his effort and hard work finally paid off. The 5th to debut is Heeseung, I also saw around sometimes tho he was older than us. The 7th is Sunghoon. I didn't know him at all though. And of course the 7th to debut is Sunoo. I talked to him sometime.

Even though it's getting colder, I somehow feel lighter. It makes me sad I cannot cheer him on. But I know he has other people he can count on now. I hope he isn't as sad as I am. It's gonna be way harder now to get in contact with him. But I truly believe that I will see him again.