Promise

Dark red

It's been a few days since the incident between Taesan and I happened. He hasn't shown up at school ever since, and I'm starting to get worried. I'm leaving in 2 days for Seoul. My mom told the principal. My teacher told my class I'm just going back to Seoul because of my dad. They don't know he's in Germany. But it's not like anyone really cares if I'm leaving or not.

So the past few days have been really boring without Taesan. But I had enough time to make up my mind. And I'm going to check up on him today.

I don't know why my heart is racing. I can't even knock on his door because of my hand shaking so hard. So I ring the doorbell instead. After a few seconds no one opens the door. I ring again. But no response. I lean towards the door, trying to hear something. But it's quiet in there.
What if he left? But Taesan wouldn't suddenly leave. And where would he even go?
I knock really hard on the door once again. Suddenly Taesan opens the door. His eyebags more visible than usual. Maybe it's the lighting but he must've lost some weight too. And the apartment smells of cigarettes. Taesan would never smoke inside.
"Taesan-" he hugs me before I can finish. He hugs me tight. Almost as if he never wants to let go. And he did lose weight. I can feel it.
"Jia they left. They all left" he cries out.
Taesan never cries.
"I don't know where anyone is. They just left me here" he sobs still not letting go of me.
I rub his back. He lets me in and closes the door behind me. He's right. There's really no one home. But they all wouldn't just leave without letting him know. There must be a reason.
"Have you tried calling them" I turn back to him who was now sitting on the couch spacing out.
"Yeah. I came home and they were gone. They've been gone for about 3 days and I can't reach anyone." He says.
"I'm sorry I cried. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I was so afraid you were gonna leave me too" I sit next to him.
"Did you smoke?" I ask him wiping his tears away with me hand.
"I didn't know what else to do. You were ignoring me and I didn't know why. Still don't" he looks at me.
"Taesan I... distanced myself because I was afraid of hurting you" I start.
"Hurting me? How?" He asks.
"I was so afraid of telling you that I'm going back to Seoul" I tell him slowly analysing his facial expression.
"You're going back? Why?" He asks worried. And I could see the fear in his eyes.
"My mom is sending me to our relatives. The schools better there" I lie to him. I never lie to Taesan.
"Do you want to leave?" He asks me worried, probably thinking that my mom is sending me away.
"I asked her to" Taesan spaced out again.
"Taesan?" I shake him
"I'm leaving in 2 days" he looks at me shocked.
"How am I gonna live without you?" He asks me tearing up. And my heart aches at the sight.
I am so tired of making people cry and suffer. Just because I decide to be an egoist.
"I'm so sorry" I tear up too.
"It's okay" he says smiling through his tears
"It's not"

Taesan pov;
When I first met Jia I thought of her as a very bitchy person. The way she didn't even hold the elevator door for me. The way she cried like an idiot in the Telefone booth made me think she was weak. At school she was a try hard. She sucked during the lessons but still tried hard to get on the teachers good side. She wanted to make friends so bad she even befriended the rude girls. And even after all the girls hated her and stopped talking to her, she still wanted to be their friend. And I wondered, what could've happened in her past that it made her so desperate for relationships. And then she even cried in front of me. But it was different. She looked different. She didn't look weird, bitchy or like a try hard. She looked like she couldn't take it anymore. And I realised she had never been weak, she's way stronger than I will ever know. And she made me realise things I couldn't understand. I couldn't comprehend.
And I didn't think she'd be my first bestfriend ever. I also didn't think she'd be my first kiss.
My first love? And I didn't think I would ever cry at the thought of her leaving me. And now I can't even imagine my life without her.
She never made fun of me for crying. She never accused me of being a bad person. She never even complained about the fact that I was smoking. She bared with the smoke even though she had asthma. And she didn't bother telling me before. Because she was afraid she'd seem like a burden. And somehow she always understood me, I didn't even have to explain.

And now she's sitting next to me. And we're both crying like some babies. And I know there's probably more to the reason why she's going back to Seoul. But I won't ask her for now.
"You better be successful there then Jia" is say after finally calming down.
"I'll try my best" she smiles, tears still falling down her face.
I think Jia is the first person I ever loved. I'll ever love. There's no one else. It's her.