Promise

Bad dream

About 3 weeks ago I arrived here. In the meantime I lost about 7 kg, which obviously wasn't that hard. I also fainted a lot times and my mental health has gotten bad to the point that I don't think I can handle it anymore. I haven't heard any news about Riki too. I only knew from the staff that he was still a contestant. Not more.
I'm starting to worry about myself and my friendship with Riki. Will he understand if I tell him that I couldn't reach out to him once? Will he be mad? Will I see him ever again?
I'm still waiting to wake up, this feels unreal.
I feel unreal. I just have to wait and hope that I can see him again. My contract ends in almost 2 months.

I'm sitting in one of the practice rooms by myself, since this is the only alone time you can get here. I don't practice or anything. I'm just sitting here on the floor. Suddenly the door opens. A tall guy, a bit older than me walks in "oh, I didn't know anyone was here sorry" he apologised and backed out "it's okay you can stay. I'm not practicing anyway" I get up. He stays still "really? Great" he walks in again and puts his stuff on the floor next to the mirror. "Why are you here if you're not practicing?" He asks while warming up.
"Just tryna get away" I say short.
He chuckles. "You're new right? That's why you still have a curfew I suppose. My names seunghan, I've been training for a while now tho" he introduces himself.
"Jia. I've been here for 3 weeks" I sit down on next to his stuff to watch him. "You don't have a curfew?" I ask. "Nah. I've been training here for I think almost a year now. My debut is already set" he says proudly. I'm shocked. I'm meeting a future idol right now? "Wow you must be really talented then. Do I already have to call you sunbaenim?" He laughs "you're probably gonna debut sooner than I. My debut is set to be in 2023" he says a bit disappointed. "What that's almost 3 years. Why are they taking so much time" I ask. "I don't know to be honest. But as long as I'm promised to debut I'm okay" he smiles. His smile reminds me of a cat. It's so upturned and has a mischievous look to it. It's pretty.

He stops moving a looks at me
"So you're new, did they make you do something?" He asks worried. "Hm? What do you mean?" I ask confused. "I mean did they make you do something a minor shouldn't" he asks again. "No not that I know of, how come you ask?" Now I'm the one getting worried. Wtf.
"It's just, sometimes the coaches are being weird and touchy. If you don't do what they want they'll treat you bad and stuff. You'll get worse treatment. But good to hear it hasn't happened to you yet" this is so fucked up wow. I knew sm entertainment was being weird to their trainees but I never thought they would go this far.
"Has it happened to you?" I ask him.
"I mean it wasn't as bad as what I heard from other people. Sometimes they just want to have a meal with you or like make out or something. They also invite famous people that can sponsor them over, they can choose a trainee and do with them whatever they want. Doesn't matter if it's just a kiss or a night" what he just told me was so disgusting I really feel like throwing up right now. "Nasty right? It's almost like human trafficking. But what wouldn't you do to become famous? Oh the same goes for brand deals by the way" he adds. I wonder if it's going to happen to me too. I'm afraid of that.

Seunghan and I just start talking about random stuff. He told me about his group and that 3 other members are also already set to debut with him but they're gonna debut as 7. I know that he isn't allowed to tell me so much information about his debut, but I'm gonna be honest, he's the first person I really get along with. He's already allowed on his phone unlike me. He let me watch the last few episodes of I-land and the way it works it seems like it might take a few months until they're announcing the debut line.

Riki was treated surprisingly bad by other contestants. They were always mad at him for something. The jury also mistreated a lot of contestants and the evil editing was so obvious. It was obvious who they wanted to debut and who actually deserved it.
Still I know he'll make it.