Promise

Face yourself

I took a bus earlier. Just like I told myself yesterday. And my balls were shaking in my way to school. Yesterday feels more like a fever dream than an actual school day. I hope today feels more real.

Of course I got stares from many people in class, I'm the new one. I just wish they would approach me. I smile back to everyone but I guess they don't feel like smiling back. They're right tho, there's nothing to smile about. We're at school. 

My teacher walks in, 1st period Maths. How much I hate maths.
"You're all lucky, I was able to correct all tests from last week just in time" he smiles creepily at the class. Thank god I wasn't here last week
"6 times an F, 7 times a D, 6 times a C, 4 times a B and only one A. You're all failures." He puts the tests on everyone desk upside down. That's when you know it went bad. Of course Dongmin woke up due to that. And he didn't look pleased when he looked at his test. So he went back to sleeping. I took this as my chance of looking at his grade. This guy is so mysterious he wouldn't tell me if I asked. I turn his paper around and search for his grade. On the top right it was marked on bringt red (A). Asshole. He never pays attention in class but still manages to get better grades than I, when I'm studying my ass off. Rude.

I walk out of the classroom, 2nd period is over. Eunchae sits on the floor next to the door and looks at me "I've been waiting for you, why did it take so long" she asks annoyed.
"I had maths-" I try to answer but she quickly cuts me off.
"Doesn't matter let's get something to eat" she takes my arm and leads me to the canteen. I turn around one last time and notice Dongmin watching us, his brows furrowed. I'm starting to worry about what he said. Should I ask him to be more clear again? Should I talk to Eunchae about it? I don't want to come off as rude. I don't want more people to dislike me.

To be honest I truly enjoy Eunchaes company. She's pretty popular, and hanging around with her makes me feel popular too. Not that I want to be popular, the girls are pretty and funny too. Who wouldn't be happy around them?

"Woah Jia how can you eat so much?" Eunchae asked out of nowhere.
"What do you mean" everyone's staring at me
"You must be really hungry" she laughs to herself
"I didn't eat anything today" I try to explain but they keep laughing and staring. Whenever someone talks about my eating habits it feels like a stab in my heart. Or my stomach because I immediately lose appetite. It hurts even more when I think about how I've struggled with my body for most of my life and it's not changing anytime soon. And I know Korea is extreme when it comes to bodies. But I'm pretty skinny already, I've always been skinny so growing up I had a fear of gaining weight. I've struggled to feel okay with my body ever since I was 8. That's almost half of my life now.

But as long as I'm not alone, it's okay to hear stuff like this.

I started talking less to her and her friends after that. They must've noticed because for some reason Eunchae seems more uninterested in me. But to be honest, I'd still like her as my friend. It doesn't matter if she insults me or her friends do.
It's not like it's the first time it happens and the girls in my class don't seem to like me a lot. Their faces say it all.

Right now during natural science class, it's better to draw little flowers and hearts on my textbook than to listen to the boring speech my teacher gives. Honestly my mood is too annoyed by what Eunchae said earlier to care about marine biology. They don't have to listen to everyone saying how they shouldn't eat so much. They can be as naked and fat as they want and nobody would care.

Han Dongmin isn't sitting next to me right now. He probably skipped or went home. I wish I would've done that too.