Promise

Roi

"So what's with your friends, how are you close to them" I finally ask the most wanted question. I knew Dongmin also smoked, I know he has his reasons. But I still cannot understand why he's hanging out with those jerks.

"It's better than being alone" he excuses
"Were you alone today too?" I raise my eyebrow
He shakes his head and chuckles
"Tell me Minji, have you ever liked someone" he lies down on his bed. I've always liked boys.
I think there isn't a time where I didn't like someone. Ever since I was a kid I had crushes on guys just because they were nice to me.
"Yeah I liked tons of guys. But I never told them" I explain looking at him, admiring his side profile
"Why didn't you tell them?" He asks turning to me
"I knew they never liked me back" I laugh at myself
"Don't worry There's plenty of fish in the sea" Dongmin says, I sigh
"I believe fishing isn't for me anymore"
I'm tired of always being the one that needs to forget their crushes.
"There actually was a boy I recently liked. But he ruined it" I still can't get Riki out of my head. Oh sorry, it's Ni-ki now.
"So if he didn't ruin it you would've been a couple by now?" Dongmin asks
We wouldn't be, because of I-land and his debut. But we could still have been friends.
"No. I don't want a boyfriend. I'm never falling in love again" I promise myself.

"What about you" I turn to him and he looks me in the eyes
"Have you ever liked someone?" I ask. He stays quiet for a moment. He opens his mouth, but closes it again.
"What's wrong?" I ask him he turns away and looks up again. 
"I don't know what it's like... to like someone" he says slowly.
No way he's embarrassed of that. I wish I never liked anyone. It makes everything so unspecial.
"You could have anyone you want... but you don't want anyone?" I try to comprehend what he just said. He nods
"It's always the handsome guys having a problem" he turns back to me
"you think I'm handsome?" He smiles stupidly
"Shut up"

"Hey do you think I'm cold?" I ask out of nowhere
"Where does that come from?" He laughs
"I don't know... I just always get told I act cold towards everyone. My sisters, my friends... everyone used to say that" honestly I know that I'm cold towards everyone. I don't know why I'm doing it but I hate it. I cannot stand it. I can't express my feelings without making it awkward. That's why I never talk about them.
"I don't think you're cold. Maybe it's just your Defense mechanism..." he tries to explain

I look outside his window. The sky is barely recognisable anymore. The only thing lightening the streets are the few cars passing by. During these days I get severely cold. Not because of the weather, I just feel numb to everything. I'm glad to have Dongmin this time. I didn't have anyone the last few times.

"I need a cig" Dongmin stands up, gets a pack out from his pocket and walks over to the window. He opens it and looks me in the eye
"Are you okay with it?" He asks. I don't have a say in it anyway. But if I said no, he'd just tell me to leave. So I nod.
"Okay" he lightens one up. Whenever he does it, he looks so cool. Like he has no care in the world. I so dearly want to tell him to stop. But I know I'm not in the place to do so. Plus he's doing better. I noticed instead of 2 a day he only does 1. And since exam season is coming up, I figured he needs it.

Not gonna lie, I do desperately want to try it again. With him this time. But I know it's inappropriate to do it while having asthma. As if my lungs aren't suffering enough. And I know Dongmin would never agree to it. In general, he would never allow anyone to do the same shit as him. He says he doesn't want to be the reason of someone's regret.

"I'm smoking only a pack per week, you should bake me a cake" he chuckles taking another drag.
"I'll make you one when you stop completely... I'll even get you balloons" he smiles.
"Hey how come I don't have a nickname for you" he asks out of nowhere
"Hm? I don't know... I don't have one for you either" I say but he looks like he's thinking of one
"What's your English name by the way" he asks
"Jia" Jia, Riki always called me Jia. Not even because my name was too long. He said he liked the way my eyes lit up. And honestly I'm more comfortable with Jia than Minji.
"Jia is badass. I'll call you Jia from now on" he must've noticed my face drop when he said my name. It sounds just like when riki says it. Everything sounds just like him.
"What's wrong, what it is?" He throws the rest of the cigarette outside and walks over to me
"Nothing, I need one for you too... hm Minnie?" I tease, "don't call me that. Just say Dongmin I guess" he cringes at my nickname
"Alright" I'll find another one for him.

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