Promise

Key

I told Taesan all about my conversation with Anton. I didn't feel sad at all at first. I felt relieved. I knew i did the right thing. I shouldn't be in a relationship with someone I don't love.
Taesan also said that I did the right thing. Even tho I should've told him sooner.

School isn't very special right now. I'm not alone. That's a good thing. Taesan stopped skipping. My grades got even better even tho I had black outs in my physics and chemics exam. Taesan and I had been going to the library a lot these days. It feels weird. Every day feels the same. But it's not like I'm complaining. I get to spend every day with Taesan and we both sit in silence and study. It's more than enough. It's just that days blend to one. And in less than 2 weeks Christmas break starts. My mom doesn't allow me to go to Seoul with Taesan. It's weird. Even tho Taesan and I are close. Very close. He was there for me when I had no one. When I was alone. But it feels like I'm taking advantage of his kindness.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Everytime someone gets close to me I'm afraid of getting hurt. So I test the person by distancing myself. Just to see if they would still want to talk to me. If they defeat my few attempts of pushing them away I can open myself up. But no one's ever cared enough for me except for Taesan. He came up to me even when I shut him down. Even when I ignored all his messages. He's the most special person in my life. When I'm with him, I don't even worry about Riki anymore. I don't worry about anything at all.

"I need to pick up my sister from kindergarden, you can go home already if you want" Taesan says, grabbing his backpack.
"Your sister?" I ask him, I never really met his siblings
"Yeah she's 5" he starts walking away
"NO WAIT" I take my schoolbag and run after him
"I want to meet her!!" I grab his arm, trying to regain my breathing
"You sure you don't want to go home?"
"Of course not, i want to finally meet her plus we can go home together then" I reassure him
"Alright then" he smiles

Jae-mi's kindergarden isn't far away from our school. It's only 10 minutes by bus so we arrived in no time.
"Let's go" he opens the door revealing the colourful walls of his little sisters kindergarden. Many drawings are hung up on the walls and diy stuff is placed on the shelves.
I can hear the faint sound of kids playing and laughing at the playground outside. Taesan walks into the groups room talking to one of the teachers. He turns around and smiles.
Seeing all this reminds me of my childhood and how much i don't remember anymore. I wish i cherished it more back then.
I don't want to grow up.

"Are you my brothers girlfriend?" Jae-mi looks up at me. I can't even speak to her like that so I kneel down "no he's my best friend" I laugh at her cuteness and pat her head.
"Jae-mi stop asking those questions" Taesan takes her little backpack and starts walking towards the bus station. I take Jae-mi's hand and walk towards his stupid brother. "Don't walk away like that. You're her brother" I kick his leg.
"I have you here and I know how much you love babysitting" he laughs and whines about the "pain" I caused at the same time. Just then Jae-mi taps my thigh, I look down to her and she gestures me to kneel down beside her. So I do, she whispers in my ear.
"unnie you look like my doll" I gasp.
"Jae-mi you're so cute!" I squeeze her cheeks.
"You look like a princess you know that?" I ask her.
"I am a princess and my brother is my dumb butler" she laughs in a high pitched voice.
"Are you two gossiping about me?" Taesan asks shocked.
"No we would never" I say defending his sister.
"Hey Jae-mi you're stealing my bestfriends stop it" he tells his little sis.
"What are you saying I'd rather spend time with Jae-mi than with you anyway" I poke him.
"She likes me more than you" Jae-mi says.
"I'm tired, Oppa carry me" she says holding her arms up gesturing Taesan to pick her up.
"I still need to carry you at your age" Taesan says and picks her up.
"Woah I wish I had a brother like that" I say lowkey jealous since I've always wanted an older protective brother.
"Your brother is gonna protect you right?" I ask Jae-mi poking her cheeks. "Of course he has to. That's what he's there for" she says yawning.
This side of Taesan is so nice. It's the side that makes me realise he truly is unlike every other guy.