Promise

The sun in your room

I felt down the past few days. It's been 2 months since enhypen has debuted and maybe it's the fact that Riki, my Riki, is already getting so much hate. Or maybe it's the way school is driving me crazy. I just couldn't bring myself to go.

Dongmin already texted me lots of times,
"Should i bring you your homework"
"I can do it for you" "are you okay" "don't listen to them, they wouldn't understand even if they tried".

All because the situation did get worse. And with the weather being as cold as the attitude of everyone towards me, I couldn't help it. It's almost only natural for me to feel this way whenever it gets cold. But I thought I'm gonna be okay for a while. I really thought it's gonna be okay. But I feel so helpless and useless. Everything I do is useless. I should stop trying at this point. I wonder how I even thought it could only get better. I'm such a coward.

New rumours were spread about me. I'm not even sure anymore what it is this time. I just heard that some girls, from the class next to us, said that I'm gossiping about everyone. It's come to an extend were outsiders even know about the rumors. I can stop trying to make friends at all. And I cannot walk around school, afraid of seeing eunchae. But she's in the lunch hall most of the time. While I stay in the bathrooms.

All I did the last days was clean the house so my mom won't get mad. And cook. I should just become a house wife. Though I don't think anyone would ever like me this much.

I probably look even worse than I feel. My eye bags have gotten darker, and I didn't have much of an appetite. I was so deep in thoughts I didn't even hear the knock on my door. It must be mom.

"Yeah" I yell, getting up from my bed.
The door opens, but instead of my mom, it's Dongmin. I was shocked, embarrassed, mad, confused. Why is he here.

"Jia you okay?" He turns on the light, I was about to sleep again. He was holding papers, probably mine.
"Why are you here?" I ask
"I was worried... you didn't come to school the last week and you don't answer my texts, what happened?" He comes closer to me. A worried expression on his face and I felt so guilty. And it's my fault.

"I felt ill..." I try to come up with an excuse
"I still don't feel better, I'll text you later okay" I try to signal him to go
"Please be honest with me, I know you're not sick. Tell me" he grabs my arms. Pressing on the spot I had fresh wounds.

It's been a habit since 7th grade. I still blame it on the girl that showed me her cuts. Sort of as a flex. And when I got so overwhelmed or didn't know how to calm down. I would hurt myself.

He notices my scrunched face when he grabs my arms.
"Dongmin-" I try to get out of his grasp but he's stronger. He hold out my arms and pushes my sleeve up. And I wish to forget his face when he really saw my wounds. He didn't look angry or disgusted at all. He looked shocked and worried. As if he feels guilty.
"Oh, don't look at me like that," I try my best not to cry due to the stinging
,,you know that I can't help it" but tears were pouring down my face.
But he didn't say anything. He's still holding my arms looking at the cuts. Then he finally looks at me. But he looks at me differently. His eyes are teary

"Dongmin" I try to find an answer in his eyes
"just look at me the same" and he breaks out in tears. He's no longer holding my arms.
He's holding me.