Promise

I bet on losing dogs

"Please can't we just stay here this New Year's Eve" I beg my mom
"At least let me stay here"
"What's your deal? Why don't you want to go to your aunts place? You haven't seen our family even tho we've been living here for months now. Don't you think it's disrespectful of you? Families are very important Song Minji and you know that. So tell me the actual reason why you don't want to go to your aunts place" My mom says furiously.
"I don't feel like it" I say quietly. I don't want to raise my voice at her. It's not her fault I can't talk about it. She couldn't know any better.

I walk back to my room when suddenly I got a message
Taesan:
Are you coming outside?

Me:
Are you mentally stable? It's 10pm

Taesan:
no but are you still coming?

Me:
Outside in 10

It's even colder than usually now. It's almost January and the aesthetic part of winter is over.
Taesan mostly calls me out after he finished smoking, just so that he could smoke and hang out with me afterwards without me getting a black lung. I put on my makeup fast and throw a hoodie over my shirt. My puffer jacket isn't enough to keep me warm now.

As I walk out of the apartment building I can already see taesan a bit further away from the building. He's probably still afraid that neighbours or his parents catch him smoking.

"You always make me wait" Taesan says in an annoyed tone.
"You could've smoked another one during your wait" I say ironically
"Why did you even call me out at this time" I ask him
"I was bored"
"Good, I was arguing with my mom again" I tell him. But my voice is quieter than usual.
"Why? What happened?" He asks.
"She wants to go to my aunts place for New Year's Eve. And my whole family is going to be there" I start
"What's the problem?" He looks at me. And I feel a bit ashamed to tell him again.
"I don't want to see... her son" Taesan thinks for a moment before it clicks in his head.
And again he doesn't say anything. Hes looking at the ground. And I try to search for a solution in his eyes. But he won't look back.
"I know I can't keep running away. But you don't understand I can't tell anyone about this. Not only do I have no proof, and everybody loves him just because he's a man. This could ruin the entire family. As if it isn't ruined enough. And everybody would throw shade at my mom. I can't do that to her" I try to explain without tearing up.
"I get that" he finally says something.
"There's so much weight on your shoulders. No wonder you keep breaking down" he looks back at the ground.

Taesan is being weirdly quiet ever since I told him about my cousin. I'm afraid he's looking at me differently now.
"Hey Han taesan" he looks up at me
"You're not weirded out by me now right?" I ask nervously
"What?" Taesan says confused.
"Jia why would I be weirded out by you?" He looks at me like before.
"I mean. It is weird isn't it? I feel so uncomfortable in his presence and I'm almost sure both my mom and aunt already knew about it but never said anything. They both probably think that I don't remember anything at all and I'm just I don't know what to do. I mean there is nothing I can do right?" My hands start shaking. And before I even realise it taesan takes both of them in his.
"Jia you're not going anywhere okay?" He leans to me and intensely looks into my eyes. But he makes me feel protected in a way.

I can't believe I actually told someone about this. I was so sure I would take it to the grave with me. Not just because it could ruin things. Also because I feel embarrassed. My innocence was taken from me before I could even read.
And I was so dumb to believe what he said.
I wish my parents protected me a bit more when I was younger.

I can't forget the way Taesan looked at me a few moments ago. I see him in a different light now.
I never imagined Taesan as a protective type. But he seems like the kind of father that would do anything for his kid. I can really imagine Taesan having a daughter he would do anything for.
Honestly I think taesan would also be a good husband. He's the first person I could imagine myself having kids with. And I didn't even want kids before.