Promise

Star shopping

Taesan:
Come over plis

Me:
Ok 👌

I rang the doorbell and three seconds later a tired taesan opened the door.
"Why again?" I ask and let myself in
"I'm so bored these holidays suck" taesan walks behind me
"Yeah I'm kind of excited for school that's how boring it is"
"So you told me to come over so that I can watch you play Fortnite?" I ask him as I walk into his room and throw myself on his bed.
"Kind of. But my moms gone with my siblings and my dads drinking with his coworkers I think. So do whatever you want" he sits on his gaming chair.
"My mom's on a date with her boyfriend can you believe that?" I ask him laughing
"At this time? It's almost 11pm" he says shocked because he knows that my mom won't go out past 8.
"Yeah she's head over heels for this one it's crazy. Her dating life is more interesting than mine lowkey" I lay down
"Lowkey Same" taesan turns his pc on.
"Alr I'll play for like 20 minutes and than we can play karaoke or whatever you want" he says putting on his headset.
"Yayyy" I say and go on my phone right after.

20 minutes turn to 1 hour like always. Watching TikTok made me even more tired than before and I'm close to dozing off.
"FUCK" I jump, it's only taesan. He probably lost or something.
"Fuck you I almost fell asleep" I throw a pillow at him.
He doesn't even move
"My bad" he says.
So I just try to go back to sleep. But I'm not tired anymore.
My phone is boring and I don't even want to try to understand Fortnite to be honest.
I look around Taesan's room. It's almost identical to mine. But a bit more blue and black colored stuff. Other than mangas and vinyls there's a few pictures.
One with his family, it's probably already a decade old. Another one of him and some friends I don't know. And the photo stripe from the first time I went to a Photo Booth with him.
A few plushies are thrown around next to his bed. A snorlax plushie and a dog plushie, the dogs asshole is visible and I'm sure that's the only reason taesan bought it.

Aside from that his gaming set up. Typical boy stuff but I'm glad taesan isn't the kind of guy that's all about gaming. I met boys that were gaming 24/7 as if their life depends on it. But they don't smoke unlike taesan so i don't know if that's a win.

I'm curled up in Taesan's bed right now. It's cold in his room but the comfortable cold. The blanket keeps me warm enough anyway. I wonder how taesan is when he's all alone. Like when he's also bored out of his phone. And no one is there to call. I wonder what he does. Gaming? He doesn't do it often, reading? Except for the few chainsaw man mangas here I don't see a single book.
Maybe listening to music, now that I think of it I never really found out what kind of music he listens to. Kpop probably not. Rnb prolly. But most likely some emo ass shit. And I'm right, I take a look at the vinyls and they're mostly nirvana or my chemical romance.
I wonder if he knows enhypen. Or who his bias would be. I hope not Riki. His bias would be sunghoon I think. They kind of look alike too.
I wonder what Riki is thinking about right now. He must feel pretty stressed right? Trainee life is already chaotic and stressful. But idol life must be 20x times more stressful. Sometimes I wonder if I should back off from my plan. Maybe I should start concentrating more in school and give up on the idol dream. But I got so far. My younger self would be so disappointed that I made all these months go to waste. And it's been my dream since like forever. If I get accepted again, I will not hold onto here and leave immediately. I can't stand this school anyways. And I suck at school too. I mean I'm better than usual. But my better isn't good also.

"What got you thinking so hard" taesan stands in front of me. I didn't even notice that he stopped playing.
"I'm thinking about how I should whoop your ass next time you call me over only to let me sleep in your bed for an hour" I say slowly getting up
"You wanted to see me anyway" taesan smirks.
"Not true‼️" I kick his leg.
Taesan gets on the bed too
"I want to smoke" he pouts and turns to me
I squish his cheeks "don't. Smoke." I say. And I know it's hard to stop. But I'm just asking him not to smoke right now.
"Honestly if I didn't have asthma I would 100% smoke too" I confess
"I wouldn't smoke with you tho" he says
"Why not?" I ask confused
"I wouldn't want to see you smoking" he simply says.

Up close taesan looks different today. His usually parted hair is down. And his clothes are casual too. He looks cute in a way. And I know that my best friend is sort of attractive. But his weirdness cancels it out anyways. But something about him is different.
"You look different today" he says as if he can read my mind
"Your usually straight hair is wavy. And you're not wearing any makeup right" he examines my face.
"You ballsack I am wearing makeup. It must've wiped off on your sheets when I was trying to sleep" I say
"But you look different too. Your hair is down and also slightly wavy, you look kind" I analyse his face and hair
We were so close next to eachother I could feel his breath hitch.
And I couldn't help but notice the way he looked at my lips. And as if he had me wrapped around his finger I lean in the same way he does. Until the tiny gap between us is gone.

It was soft. And light. But the butterfly's in my stomach are doing Loopings inside of me.
Im having my first kiss. And just like everyone always says. It comes so naturally. As if I practiced it before 200 times. As I slowly pull away from taesan "This was my first-" "mine too" he cuts off. I lay back down on my back but I could feel him staring at me from the side
"I'm sorry if i did it suddenly" he says quietly
"I just can't really hold back when you look like this" he says.
"Taesan I feel the same way" I look at him
"But I really don't want to ruin our friendship" I give him a sad look.
"I told you already. I sometimes leave without a trace. I can't be in a relationship with anyone" in my head I'm slapping myself. 
"Then don't leave" he whispers
"But I am someone that leaves. Im sorry" I can't look him in the eyes anymore. His tone sounded already sad and tired. He must be really tired of my shit.
"I will like you regardless" his eyes still fixated on my side.

I turn back to him. "You know what's weird" I smile as I am so close to his face. "What?" He says smiling against my cheek.
"I used to not want to have kids. Like ever. But now I think it wouldn't be that bad yknow?" I explain. I used to dislike kids in general. But there's something in the air that makes me want to be a mother and wife. Maybe it's just my bad grades? "Yeah? Ive always wanted a daughter" he chuckles. "Yeah one girl and one boy, or maybe only two girls. I don't want more than two kids to be honest" i lay down on his chest.
"Yeah two kids are good, we could do that" he whispers.