SELF SABOTAGE // ELIJAH HEWSON

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞-𝖘𝖎𝖝

tw: talk of disordered eating and body issues

"i'm so tired... i don't want to go anywhere or do anything" haiden mumbled into her pillow, elijahs arm completely limp across her back as he chuckled lightly

"it's no laughing matter elijah bob"

"oi" he mumbled, lifting his head with one eye open to see her with a smile plastered across her face, now looking back at him. he smiled to himself, pulling her closer under the covers by her hips as their legs intertwined.
haiden traced along his nose with her finger, now feeling more awake than ever compared to eli, who was slowly slipping back into a sleep under her touch

"where are we off today?" she hummed

"london" he mumbled "we have two shows so we'll be in a hotel for the night"

"can i take you on a date?"

"sorry?" he smiled as he peered an eye open

haiden blushed softly under his gaze, rolling her eyes at his playfully "i want to take you on a date eli"

"i'm supposed to do that for you" he groaned

"please? if we're not too tired of course"

he smiled and nodded, pressing a kiss to her forhead before nodding off against her touch. she smiled to herself, turning over in his arms... her back against his chest. eli mumbled in his sleep, nuzzling his head against her hair.
she'd never tell him that he drools in his sleep, she thought it was quite cute. she never really noticed it herself until he fell asleep on her lap one evening at his parents house and haiden had somehow convinced herself that she'd wet herself.

she leaned forward as much as she could under his touch to grab her phone, before scrolling through endlessly on twitter.
she still couldn't believe that last night she played one of her very first 'real' gigs. the whole thing felt surreal to her now... maybe some day she could be headlining her own tour but it sounds like a bit of a long shot.

she felt the tour bus come to a halt, the birds heard even through the tough, metal walls. a knock was heard at the door of their compartment, eli mumbling nothings yet again

"yeah?" she hummed, sitting up slightly as she rubbed her eyes

"just letting you know we've stopped. us three are going to grab some breakfast, wanted to know if you'd want to join us?" ryan smiled

"uh yeah, i'd like that... i'll bring something back for eli, he needs the sleep" she smiled

"well i'll leave you to get ready, we'll meet you outside" ryan nodded, before closing the door back over

hayden sighed softly, slightly nervous. she struggled with her eating when she was in high school, the typical of thinking she was never good enough and never skinny enough... she'd battled through it after meeting mark and navaeh.
it was harder lately, ever since moving in with elijah her thoughts had come back and she was finding it harder to control her urges. elijah showered her in compliments daily, but it always felt like he was overcompensating and that sent haiden in a spiral. she found it easy to hide when she wasn't eating in front of him, she'd almost perfected the tactic of pushing food around the plate so it looked less, and eli was so overwhelmed with work at the moment that he hadn't noticed any different.

she changed into something baggy, it really didn't help her thoughts but at least her reflection wouldn't haunt her. she pressed a kiss to eli's head while he slept, before meeting the other three boys outside