आगाज़ (Beginning)

23• Falling for her

Agastya's POV

*The actual worth of someone or something is being realised only when they're not with us*

These may work just as words or quotes for anyone else but for the second time, my life made me experience it....
My whole world stopped the moment Varnika's car got hung on the cliff, I experienced the same thing. The pain, the grief, the wrath, the useless feeling and I don't know how it connects but my heart got broken into billions of fragments.

She's gone...
Varnika is gone...
My volley is gone...
And all because of me, I chased her, I hit her car so many times, I twisted our cars, I was the fucking reason behind this accident.

All the compelled thoughts, the rage of being fucking useless and just seeing loosing the one who lives on your mind all the fucking time.

Every thing, every fucking thing I felt.
It's my fault, I'm the reason behind this, I won't forgive myself ever.
First Parth bhaiya, now Varnika...
I always thought about why I feel different from Varnika?
Why do I let my heart dominate over my brain when I'm with her?
Why I let all my intuition win when I'm a fucking practical person?
Why do I feel vulnerable when we're together?
I got the answer to each and every question just when her car flipped.
And the answer is nothing else, I don't give a fuck how much I deny but the truth is....
I was falling for her.
Agastya Singh Rathore was falling for Varnika Deewan..

But for once again my fate showed me my worth and renewed the fact that whoever will come close to my heart will never be able to stay close to me.

Now what's the point of living in the world where you're the reason behind the loss of your loved ones....
I was on purpose to find my brother's murderer but fate showed me that it's none other than myself.
And now I'll do what I could have done a long time ago, to shoot myself.

With the anxiety, wrath, trepidation on my mind and the pain in my heart, I took out my gun which I kept behind and pointed myself.
Agastya Singh Rathore, you could have done that before because now-
"Agastyaaaa"
Agastya, the name echoed in my ear as the memory of Varnika.
The voice that I know from now onwards will be echoing in my ears forever.
Her melodious voice, Varnika... I'm sorry, saying this to myself I pulled the trigger, and kept the metal edge on my heart.
"What the fuck you're doing?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Her voice, it's not just echoing or its not only my guts, but she's here.
Varnika isn't gone anywhere.
She's here.
you know that feeling when you waste one chance but your fate gives you another and you achieve your goal.
That relief, that happiness, that gratitude... Every single thing I felt, the moment I turned back and saw Varnika standing in front of me.
Within a faster and bigger step she was coming towards me while Me...
I was just thanking God in every possible language.
She's here.
The peace for my eyes is here.
My breath is here.
She came and without any conversation she just grabbed the rifle from my hand and threw it out the cliff.
"What the fuck you were supposed to do?"
"Do you have any idea?"
"You're a psycho-"
I was just lost in her ocean eyes but that doesn't stop me from showing my gratitude to god. She was just blabbering but I found those shouting phrases, the best music to my ears.
I didn't let her say more but wrapped her into my arms.

Her face was resting on my chest while my arms as well as my heart was not at all ready to leave her.
I would never ever let anything happen to her...

Her breaths were directly colliding with my chest and after that to my heart, where all her control is.
She's the first person who peeked into me and letting anything happen to her is not even the last thing I would do.