“Happy anniversary, mahal” I said and give him a kiss to his cheek.
He smiled. “Happy anniversary”
Today is our 2nd anniversary and we're celebrating it.
“You're not look happy.” I said pouting.
“Iya, let's stop this,” he said out of sudden.
Nagpigil ako ng tawa. “Ayan ka na naman sa mga prank mo.” I said and laugh
“Seryoso ako.” Matigas na anito. Natahimik ako.
“You're kidding me, right?”
“No, Iya. let's stop this. I realized that this is all wrong. We're commiting sin. This is haram.”
I'm speechless.
“I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry.” He said and turn his back to me.
Naiwan akong parang hindi mapriseso ang lahat. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. Walang tigil ang pagpatak ng luha sa'king mga mata.
Ang sakit.
Ilang buwan akong nagmumukmok sa bahay. Hindi ako lumabas. I am totally broken hearted woman. Hindi rin ako makakain ng maayos. Nag-aalala na ang mga magulang ko sa'kin.
“Anak, nag-aalala na'ko. You should at least eat. Tingnan mo, ang laki na ng eyebags mo.” My mother said
“Ummi, I don't know what to do anymore. Ang sakit sakit.”
“Pray. Allah will guide you. Pray tahajjud, Wallahi, tahajjud is the key. Ask for His guidance, anak.”
After what my ummi said, namalayan ko nalang ang sarili kong gising sa madaling araw para magpray ng tahajjud. I cried a lot, asking for His forgiveness and guidance.
“Ya Allahu, lead me to you. Whatever I feel right now, let it be a reason for me to fall in love to You. Let it be a reason to get closer to You. Please, guide me Ya Rabb”
And with that, I found myself changing. I always pray. It feels like I found my way back to Him.
Today, I can finally say that I'm moved on. I focused on how to heal rather than how it hurts.
I had hard time in moving on because I forgot to ask Allah to heal me.
After months, I decided to open my social media account. I was shocked when the first thing I saw to my newsfeed is a post that he's in a relationship.
Tumawa ako ng pagak. Akala ko pa naman nagbago ang taong ito. Nakipaghiwalay dahil haram daw ito ngunit sa nakikita ko ay ginawa lang pala nitong rason para humanap ng iba.
Alhamdulillah I'm not hurt anymore, nor affected. I'm healed. I lost him, but I found Allah. I was lost, but guided.
Indeed everything happens for a reason, and most of the time for a very good reason.
