Assalamualaikum! it's been 2 months since the last time na nag-update ako at nagpost sa fb account ko. I really miss my readers, i miss writing too. pero i can't force myself to write lalo na't parang hindi ko pa kaya. parang wala ng mga salita sa utak ko na bubuo ng isang story. I don't know what happened. tuloy-tuloy naman dati yung update ko dahil halos araw-araw, pero biglang isang araw hindi ko na kayang magsulat. well, hindi na bago sa'kin 'to. ganito talaga ako dati palang, pero parang hindi pa rin ako sanay.
thank you for keep waiting for my comeback. magsusulat muna ako ng marami para isahang post HAHAHA mahal ko kayo
**
For almost 4 years of admiring her from afar, finally, I'm marrying the woman I love the most today. My half of deen, my everything.
I knocked the door three times before I say salam.
“Assalamualaiki,”
“Alaikassalam,” mahinhing tugon nito.
She busied herself looking at her hands. When she look at me and smile, my heart fluttered.
Linapitan ko ito.
“You're so beautiful, ya z-zawjati,” utal pang aniko. Hindi pa rin mawala ang kabang nararamdaman ko, pero mas lamang ang saya... sobrang saya.
“Alhamdulillah, I can finally call you mine.” I said before kissing her forehead.
“Alhamdulillah, I can finally call you ‘zawji’ for years of waiting.” She said that made her tears fell, still smiling, so am I.
After 4 year, we met again with the best version of ourselves.
We love each other since then. We both don't wanted to enter haram relationship, so we decided to cut our communication and focus to our deen.
At first, it wasn't easy like what others think. Ang daming what if sa'kin, na what if hindi kami, what if para siya sa iba? what if Allah just made me admire and love her, pero hindi pala siya para sa'kin? Muntik akong mawalan ng pag-asa, but I still chose to trust Allah and His plan, because I believe He is good all the time, a best Planner.
I always make du'a. And Alhamdulillah, answered prayer.
I was standing while sipping my coffee when my wife spoke.
“Naim, don't leave me. Kahit na dagdagan mo pa'ko, matatanggap ko, wag mo lang akong iwan.” she said out of nowhere, pouting.
I looked at her. She's so pretty, at the same time, cute.
I smiled sweetly. I don't know, but just looking at her makes me happy.
“Why would I? Ilang taon kitang pinagdu'a, sa tingin mo may dahilan para iwan kita? I can't, my love. I can't.” I sat beside her and hold her hand. “At ayoko nang magmahal ulit kung hindi ikaw. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko, ang mahal ko. Ni hindi sa katulad mo, dahil wala kang katulad, nag-iisa ka. Ikaw lang.” I assured her.
Mahal na mahal ko siya, Allah knows that. My love for her is fid dunya wal akhira. I don't think I can live without her.
I can say that our marriage is healthy, with the help of Allah. Hindi mawawala ang tampuhan, pero normal lang naman 'yon sa mag-asawa.
“Natatakot ako,” nakahiga na kami at matutulog na sana when she suddenly spoke.
Naalarma ako. “Saan, mahal ko? May problema ba?” I asked worried. I look at her and noticed her teary eyes.
“Natatakot akong iwan mo. Wag mo akong iiwan.” She said and start crying.
Seeing her like this makes me weak. Hindi lang ito ang una o pangalawang beses na nagbreakdown siya na baka iwan ko raw siya.
Isang beses ay nagising ako sa hikbi niya. She's praying tahajjud and she's crying. I can hear her sobbing.
“Ya rabb, I can't live without him. Please, don't make him leave me, hindi ko kaya. I waited for years because I trust your plan for us. And now that he's with me now, I'm so thankful Ya Allah.”
Hindi ko alam pero nasasaktan ako. I don't even know what made her think na iiwan ko siya.
“He's a good man, Ya Rabb. I want nothing but the best for him. I promise that I'll be a good wife to him.”
I always comfort and assure her that I won't leave, never, I swore that. Ni hindi 'yon pumasok sa isip ko e. Pero sadyang hindi natin mapipigilan ang qadar.
Pagkatapos ng gabing 'yon ay lagi ko nang pinagdu-du'a na sana ay wag niyang isipin na iiwan ko siya. All I want is nothing but the best for her, too.
Makalipas ang dalawang taon...
“Assalamualaiki, ya z-zawjati.” gaya nung una ko siyang tawaging ‘zawjati’ ay nautal din ako ngayon. Ilang taon na ang nakalipas pero sariwa pa rin ang sakit sa puso ko.
“Ang sabi mo ay wag kitang iwan, pero ikaw pala ang mang-iiwan.” my voice cracked and my tears start to fell.
She died giving birth to our first born child on the day of arafah. Ni hindi niya man lang naakap ang anak namin. At ni hindi niya man lang naabutan ang Eid'l adha.
I named our son ‘Arafat’. Sobrang sakit, pero wala akong magagawa kundi tanggapin na lang.
Napagtanto kong masyado akong nakatuon sa kanya na wag ko siyang iwan at hindi ko man lang naisip na ako pala ang maiiwan.
Since the day she left me, home became dark. No lights were broken, but my heart was.
“Mahal na mahal kita, mula noon, ngayon, bukas, at magpakailanman. Hindi ako titigil at mapapagod na mahalin ka. Until we meet again in Jannah, ya zawjati. In Allah's name.”
