“Ustadz, bakit wala pa rin po kayong asawa?” one of my student asked.
I smiled, “because I still love my first love,” dahil sa sinabi ko ay naghiyawan sila. Tsk tsk, mga bata talaga. “Sshh baka pagalitan kayo ng nasa kabilang room, wag kayong maingay,” suway ko sa kanila.
“Actually, she's my wife,” dagdag ko na ikinagulat nila.
“So all this time po pala, you're married?” someone asked, I nodded.
“I can still remember how happy I am on our wedding. Because finally, magiging asawa ko na ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko.” Napangiti ako habang inaalala ang moment na yon.
“She was crying that day—”
“Tears of joy, ustadz!” biglang nagsalita ang pinakamaingay sa klase ko kaya hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko. Good thing free time na nila kaya naisip kong magkwento na lang.
“No,” my smiled faded. “She was crying not because of her joy to marry me. She cried because she wanted to marry someone else... and that's my brother.” I said that made them silent.
I smiled bitterly.
“Ustadz, where is she now po?”
“She's dead.” aniko.
“Hala!”
“Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.”
“Omg!”
“Astaga!”
Napatawa ako sa mga reaction nila. Marami pa silang tanong pero tumunog na ang bell, hudyat na lunch break na.
Remembering our past still makes me hurt. I love her so much. Allah knows that. But she don't feel the same way. Pumayag lang siyang makasal sa'kin because my brother that she love died because of the car accident. Kumbaga second choice lang ako.
I know that she still loves him, but I love her so much too na handa akong maging healing machine niya. I did everything for her para lang matutunan niya'kong mahalin.
Months had passed, nagkasakit siya. Ayaw niyang magpagamot hanggang sa lumala ito na naging dahilan din kung bakit siya kinuha sa'kin.
She died smiling. Yung ngiting sinasabing sa wakas, they will reunite in jannah with my brother.
Ako yung nandito, pero iba ang mahal.
I witnessed the love of my life loving someone else 'till her last breath, and it hurts so much.
