Monaira is a daughter of Chairman here in our baranggay. Mayaman sila, kami hindi. Magkaibang estado sa buhay, pero hindi naging hadlang sa pagmamahalan namin.
Hindi ko alam kung anong status namin, we both settle to this kind of relationship—no label relationship. But it doesn't matter, the more important for us is we love each other.
“Nahihiya na'ko sayo, love. Palagi nalang ikaw nanlilibre,” aniko.
We're here at the new opened café in our town. Niyaya ako nito. It's a date na rin siguro.
“Ano ka ba, it's ok, Hammad. Alam kong may pinag-iipunan ka,” she said smiling.
Tinitigan ko ito. She's so kind and genuine, reason why I love her so much.
“Sa araw ng kasal natin, gusto ko ikaw magbasa ng Qur'an okay?” I nodded. She looked at me smiling.
“Insha'Allah, I promise.”
“Read my favorite surah,”
“Surah Ar-rahman,” I stated. “Kaya gusto kong maging hafidz e,” I gave her assurance.
She's the woman I want to marry, walang iba. I can see my future with her.
“Iwasan mo yang anak ni chairman, Hammad. Kung ano mang namamagitan sa inyo ay itigil niyo na. Haram yang ginagawa niyo,” salubong ni umi sa'kin pagdating ko sa bahay.
“Umi, wala naman po kaming ginagawang masama. Nagmamahalan kami.” Depensa ko.
“Subhanallah, Hammad. Saan kayo dadalhin ng pagmamahal na yan? Hindi kailan man magiging tama yang ginawa niyo. Pumasok kayo sa isang haram na relasyon, alam mo ba yon?”
Para akong naf-frustrate.
“Bukod sa parang langit at lupa ang estado ng buhay niyo, walang ibang resulta yan kundi sakit lang. Kaya sinasabi ko sayo Hammad, tigilan mo na siya.”
What my Umi said keep running to my head. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Mahal na mahal ko siya, pero tama si umi.
Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko. I was about to call her when my phone rang, she's calling.
“Hello, love,” sagot ko sa tawag.
“Love, can we met?” she asked. Kahit hindi nito nakikita ay tumango ako.
“Oo naman,” we chitchat a little before we hang up the call.
Kinakabahan ako. Gusto kong tapusin kung anong namamagitan sa'min but thinking that I'll hurt her feelings make me sick. I can't, she's too precious to me. I can't hurt her feelings.
“Love, what if magpakasal na tayo?” she asked out of sudden. Napatigil ako. Bago pa'ko magsalita ay nagsalita ito ulit. “My father found out about us. He's mad, he wants me to end our relationship but I can't. Mahal kita, Hammad. I know it's haram, so please marry me.” she begged. Napaiwas ako ng tingin.
“Im sorry, Monaira, I-I can't...” I almost whisper.
“What? Bakit Hammad, hindi mo na ba'ko mahal?” She asked crying.
I can't look at her. Knowing that she's hurt makes me hurt too.
“H-Hindi ko pa kaya, Monaira... Patawarin mo'ko.”
“Napakaduwag mo naman, Hammad. I'm willing to risk at pinaglaban kita pero yan ang sasabihin mo? Ni hindi mo man lang na ako susubukang ipaglaban?” she keeps crying. “Kung ganon ay tama nga si abi, we better end this nonsense.” She stood up and left me.
Gusto ko siyang habulin at pigilan pero sobrang hina ng mga tuhod ko. Hindi ko namalayang umiiyak na rin pala ako.
I took my phone and decided to text her.
“Love, Allah knows how much I wanted to marry you. Pero patawad, hindi ko pa kaya. Ayokong magdusa ka sa piling ko. Nasanay ka sa marangyang buhay, ayokong maghirap ka. Love, I hope you'll understand me. Nag-iipon pa'ko para sa'tin. Please wait for me.”
Minutes later, she replied. “Panghahawakan ko ang pangako mo, Hammad. Dahil mahal kita, at hindi ko makita ang sarili kong makasal sa iba.”
That was our last conversation because we lost communication. It was almost 5 years ago. Sa loob ng limang taon ay ang daming nagbago. Alhamdulillah, naging hafidz ako. Sa tulong ng mga arab sa ibang bansa ay nakatapos ako. Dalawang linggo na rin ang nakakaraan ng umuwi ako dito sa Pilipinas.
Wala pa rin akong balita kay Monaira. I always keep making dua na sana ay naghihintay pa rin siya sa pagbabalik ko. Na sana, ngayong nandito na'ko ay matupad ko na ang pangako ko at ang pangarap niyang makasal.
“Sadaqallahul adhim,” I said before I gave the mic to the MC.
Pagkatapos kong magbasa ng Qur'an ay naupo ako sa upuan kung saan ang mga witnesses ng kasal. Sa ngayon ay hinihintay nalang ang bagong kasal.
Napatingin ako sa paligid. Napakaganda ng venue, ang bongga at ang engrande, halatang mayaman ang ikakasal.
Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay dumating na nga. I saw the beautiful bride together with her groom. She's wearing beautiful white dress. Bagay na bagay sa kanya, at sobrang ganda niya sa suot niyang hijab.
She's smiling genuinely. She looks so happy.
I smiled bitterly. The fact that she's the one who requested me to be her Qur'an reader to her wedding makes my heart shatter.
‘That should be me. Ako dapat ang groom niya, but I guess I came back late’
Barakallahu feekum. Alhamdulillah dahil natupad na rin ang pangarap niya, ang makasal. And Alhamdulillah, I fulfilled my promise to her, to read Qur'an to her wedding.
But I won't deny how hurt I am right now. She didn't wait for me, but I can't blame her though.
I don't understand why destiny would let us meet, knowing that we could never be together
Kung kailan pwede na, handa na'ko at kaya ko na, saka naman umayaw ang tadhana.
Pilaginawa, this is qadarallah. It's painful, but I know Allah prepared something better.
