Love Like Winter ❄️ Xavier Thorpe

Chapter 16: Never Have I Ever ... Tried to Off Myself

Soundtrack:

"Lovesong" by The Cure
"Slow Dancing in the Dark" by Joji
"parents" by YUNGBLUD
"Little Things" by One Direction

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Two days later, I'm helping Xavier clean up his room and we find the notebook that Wednesday wrote Tyler's letter in. She'd written a rough draft apparently because it is still in the notebook. Xavier starts to read it but then stops and gives the notebook to me because he felt bad and I'm her cousin.

I start reading it out loud quietly as Xavier sits down beside me on the bed. "Tyler, I've never been very good at this. People keep telling me that love is strange, that it's the best feeling in the world, but I'm not even completely sure what it feels like. Is it being able to be your true self around that one person, who never gives up on you, no matter how many times you try to push them away? Is it hating the world a little bit less when you're with that person, because they make you feel like just maybe you'd be willing to entertain the ordinary misogynistic standards of society's patriarchal assimilation," I pause and read the last sentence again, glancing over at Xavier wide-eyed.

He chuckles. "I think she means becoming a housewife."

I nod. It makes sense, but she used every possible word she could to describe it without just saying 'housewife.' I continue reading.

"I ask myself these questions whenever I am with you. You see me, for me, and you make me feel vulnerable, like a newborn baby chick, hatching in the middle of the highway. It's something I'm not used to, to be quite honest, it's frightening. Nobody has ever believed in me like you have or stayed by my side despite everything. Finding out you weren't a Hyde anymore was probably one of the greatest feelings I've felt in a long time. Every time we would meet in person prior to that, I could see the pain on your face and for some reason, I felt the overwhelming urge to embrace you and make that pain go away."

Xavier gently takes my hand in his as I finish reading. "I feel invincible and powerless, at the same time, and I honestly wondered if I was losing my mind. But, I think ... this must be what people describe as love. I may never be able to say sentiments like this in person, for I don't believe my vocal chords would allow it without disintegrating, which is why I am writing you this, so you know. Love, Wednesday."

I put the notebook down on Xavier's bedside table, feeling like I'd just read something written by a descendant of Shakespeare. "I mean, it's nice and for Wednesday it's like phenomenal, but she never even just said 'I love you' once."

"I know. I honestly don't understand how someone could be in a relationship like that and apparently love someone so much, but just never tell them. I get way too invested for that to ever be enough."

"You've never written me a love letter." I tilt my head down and stare at him through my bangs, chewing on my bottom lip.

He furrows his eyebrows and smirks. "What are you taking about? I always send you romantic text messages."

"Oh, you do?" I start laughing and scroll back through my messages to find one. "'I can still smell you on me and it's intoxicating.'"

He laughs. "Hey, you said you loved that message, which also said more than that one line, Princess!"

I roll my eyes and giggle. "I did love that text message, but I can't exactly hang it on my wall, Xavier."

He starts scrolling through his phone, not looking at me. "I mean, I have literally hundreds of texts I wrote and never sent you because I didn't want you to think I was being 'needy' or 'clingy' like I've been told before."