You Don't Stop Living Because You Lose Somebody

16. End up here

                I decided to go to Johnny's room first, I feel like if Dally was severely injured I wouldn't want to walk in on that right away. I walk through the halls reading the signed plastered outside the doors, seeing Johnny's room I walk through the open door to see him face down with major burns from his neck down, his breathing was erratic. The nurse was putting something on his burns, noticing I was in the room.

"Sorry hun, we had to sedate him. Is there anything you'd like me to tell him?" I froze, never did I think that severity would look like this, not this bad. What did he do to get this type of burns? What happened? Was Dally this bad?

"Can you tell him Arella Jean was here and the gang loves him and we'll come back to see him till he gets better?" She nodded, and I lifted my heavy feet and walked out of the room, a tear falling down my cheek, as I slowly walked towards Dally's room. I found it rather quickly than Johnny's room. I stood outside the closed door for what felt like hours, too scared for what may be on the other side of the room. Suddenly the door opens, and a nurse with a scowl on her face and red cheeks looks at me.

"Good luck with that one." She muttered walking past me, and I looked through the open door to see Dally sitting there staring at me. My eyes raked over his body, his bare chest exposed with the necklace he wore everyday. A blanket over his lap, and only bandages wrapped around his forearm. "Hey Ella." Dally says softly. I remember the rage I felt down in the lobby and I just walked towards him slapping him across the face. His eyes went wide and he stared blankly at me.

"How could you Dally? Lie to me? Run off and get yourself hurt? And get the boys hurt?" I felt so much anger I wanted to slap him again, I raised my hand again and he jumped up from the bed, enclosing my wrist in his tight grip and pushed me against the wall and pinned me. His face was inches from mine and I felt his breath fan over my face.

"First thing is I only lied so you wouldn't run off and get yourself hurt, secondly it was Johnny who ran in for them kids, then Pony. I couldn't let them die, or you'd be mad at me forever." He growls, then takes a deep breath. "And we cant be havin that can we?" he whispers, his deep eyes looking into mine, breath fanning over my face. It smelled like smoke but not cigarette smoke. His eyes flicked to my lips, before smashing his lips to mine. I felt fireworks, as our lips moved with each other, perfectly in sync. His hands grab the back of my thighs, lifting me without breaking the kiss. My fingers gripped his hair and I drop my head back- breaking the kiss for fresh air, he dropped his head down and began biting and kissing my neck. The oxygen rushing to my brain made me realize what we were doing. And I shook my head no, pushing against his chest. He pulled away lips red and swollen, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"We can't be doin this Dally, I'm with two, and I cant be hurting him like that." I was already gonna hurt him when I tell him I was making out with Dallas Winston- the very same guy I told him he ain't gotta worry about me screwing, and here we were- almost screwing.

"I suppose you right Arella Jean." He whispers putting me down, wiping his thumb across his lips, eyes locked onto the floor. He lets out a shaky laugh, "You know man, I don't even know why you're with him still. You don't love him ya know man?" I look at him with confusion and I open my mouth to say something but he continues talking, "You wanna know how I know? Because you're here man, not with him. I told you I know you better than you know yourself man." His eyes met mine, and a lump grew in my throat trying to search for any words to say to him- but I didn't know what to say. "You never put him above me Arella Jean, I've always been number one in your book. I don't even know why, I'm not your boyfriend man." The last few words stabbed me in the chest, a tear fell down my cheek. Dally just shook his head and crawled back into his bed. I knew it was a long shot Dallas Winston loving me in the way I loved him, but hearing the venom in his voice as he mutters the words hurt me. He claims to know me better than I know myself, can't he see that I love him with every ounce of my heart. Or does he see it, and play with me like he does to all the girls in south side Tulsa?

"You know Dallas Winston, you can be very cruel." I muttered, turning on my heel quickly leaving the hospital room and eventually the hospital. I didn't call Darry like he told me to, I couldn't bear hearing him give me the friendly big brother "how you're wrong" in this situation talk. God I've never felt so stupid and hated myself more. I have a loving caring boyfriend who would protect me from everyone that would wrong me in this world, while I am chasing around somebody who is wrong for me in this world. Somebody he can't keep me away from because Dallas Winston is a drug, he's addictive. And I feel like the world is ending if I go longer than two days of seeing him. But the thing is I crave Dallas Winston, with every fiber in my soul no matter how he treats me, good or bad, and its rare when I see the bad. But the bad hurts like I've been beaten all day, but I still crave him and I can't seem to dump him in the dirt like every other girl in Tulsa does.

The cold air filled my lungs, shaky breaths left my body as I fight the urge to cry. I wonder how many girls cried over Dallas Winston and his famous don't care attitude. I wondered if Sylvia cried, even though she was the one sleeping with other boys, I wondered if Two-Bit would cry when I told him what happened. Or if he would get mad or treat it like any other day in the hood. Obviously he will be hurt, he may want to break things. Should I go to his house and tell him? So he doesn't break things in my house and wake the boys? That may be the best option, but what if I didn't tell him and pretended it never happened? Would Dally snitch me out? Probably. Power trip for the bad boy of Tulsa, "I fucked your girlfriend, what's that gotta say about how you lay it back at home man?"

I turn down a road I rarely go down seeing lights through windows, shadows moving behind the curtains, putting on puppet shows with their body language and movements to any onlookers. I found where I was looking, walking up the steps and casually seeing tattered porch furniture and empty beer bottles. I knock on the door softly, hearing shuffling on the other side. The door opens and the person opening the door stumbles, before his eyes meeting mine.

"Ella?" he says face knitting in confusion.

"Hey Two, can we talk?"