You Don't Stop Living Because You Lose Somebody

10. If You Only Knew

I laid in my bed, tears soaking my face and pillow. That was supposed to be mine and Dally's secret, not anybody else's. Nobody accepted him and I had the right to know what we did, it was nobody's business to know it. Now the whole gang knew. Well apart from Ponyboy and Johnnycake, and that's only because they took off to god knows where. But if they were here, they'd know about it.

I'm not ashamed of it, It was something Dally and I did one time, for fun. Heat of the moment. It was nice too, he didn't act like how everyone assumed he did. People think that when Dally has sex, it is to only benefit him, and not the other. But that is completely the opposite of what happened that night. Dally Was gentle, and he practically worshiped my body, even it was over he refused to stop giving me attention. It was like Dallas Winston loved me, and not like a best friend.

I let out more tears when I pictured the look both of my brothers gave me upon hearing the news. I wanted comfort of the one person who wasn't here, and that was Pony. I always spilled my emotions to Pony, he was the only one who actually properly listened to me out of my siblings. He always knew the right things to say to make me feel better. I missed Pony. To me Pony wasn't fourteen, his brains and personality made him seem older and more mature. I appreciated that about him, he really grounded us when we needed it so we didn't fall apart. A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, as I looked towards the door, waiting for it to open.

"Hey Ella." Darry says opening the door, with Soda behind him. A little part of me was expecting to see Pony right behind him, waiting for them all to file into my room. But it was killed when Soda closed the door behind him, so only he and Darry were in my room.

"What?" I mutter emotionless, pulling the blankets on my bed to my chin, attempting to hide my face from my brothers.

"Are you okay?" Soda asks sitting next to me, pulling the blanket down, looking me in the eyes. Darry just stood there looking sympathetic as he crossed his arms, something I've noticed he does often.

"What does it mater?" I say rolling over to face my wall, I heard Soda sigh as I felt another dip in my bed, telling me Darry sat down.

"Hey sweetheart. We're not mad at you." Darry says, tucking pieces of my hair behind my ear.

"Then what are you? Disappointed? These things just don't brush over Darryl." I say turning over to face both of my brothers. Darry sighs as he lays against my headboard, his arms tucking themselves behind his head.

"No. They don't. But that doesn't mean we have to be upset with you, or even disappointed. We're more.." He pauses.

"Shocked." Soda says with a small grin on his face, making me grin a bit. "I mean, Dallas Winston? Last person everyone was expecting, but at the same time, we were." He laughs out, making me and Darry smile.

"We know you have feelings for him Ella. Which is why we were reluctant when Two-Bit asked you out. We were nervous you were going to to use him as a rebound, someone to take your mind off of Dally."

"I did." I say my smile fading from my face, as I refused to make eye contact with either of them.

"Maybe at first Ella. But you cant say that now can you? We all can see that you have feelings for Two. It's undeniable, we see the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you. There's something there doll, and it isn't doubt." Soda says leaning into his arms that were stretched out behind him.

"But, there is also something there with Dally. We see that too." Darry says, looking me in the eye. "That's where it gets complicated. Nobody has doubted your feeling for Two-Bit."

"We know you're in love with Two-Bit. But we also know that you're in love with Dallas." Soda finishes Darry's thought. "We also believe that Dally loves you too Ella." Soda says, making me raise my eyebrows at him.

"Dallas Winston? Feelings for me? Please Soda don't be ridiculous." I say, rolling my eyes at his statement.

"Ell. Steve didn't even tell Dally the full story. He just heard that Two almost killed the both of you and apparently he just took off. Didn't ask Buck for the T-Bird, and just took it. He got more angry when I refused to let him come back here till he told me why he was so angry. You should of seen the look on his face when he said that you almost died." Soda says, with a grin on his face.

"Soda, Dally is my best friend. Steve would probably do the same if that happened to you." I roll my eyes at my brothers smiling face.

"Yes Steve is going to steal someone's car, take off like the most reckless person, not caring about his life at all. Finally get here, barely have the car in park before jumping out. Barging in on our house, being really loud and almost punch you, because you refuse to let him see me. Then yanking the person that almost killed me out of my bed and take him outside and kick the shit out of him. Oh when he finally has the decency to calm down from his rage, see that i'm okay and his world starts spinning again. Yeah Steve would totally do that." Soda says sarcastically.

"Steve would never do that Arella. Johnny and Ponyboy wouldn't even do that for each other." Darry interjects, with his eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face.

"You guys just don't know Dally like I do." I say, denying their words.

"Sure we don't. Maybe You don't Know Dallas like you think you do." Soda Says standing up and smirking, Darry following him. I roll my eyes at them, standing up and out of my bed. "Who's cooking dinner tonight?" Soda says, looking between us two. All three of us look at each other, then we quickly put our fingers on our nose. It was something we did, and whoever didn't or was last to do it, they had to whatever th task was.

"Sorry Darry. Your it." I say smiling, he just rolls his eyes at us, walking out the room muttering about how he was gonna make roasted potatoes and chicken. Soda and I laughed as we walked out of my room to go watch Mickey Mouse on the T.V. MY favorite show ever, as well as Two-Bit's.