You Don't Stop Living Because You Lose Somebody

17. Let Me Love You

                "So you kissed Dallas Winston?" Two mumbles taking another swig of his beer.

"Are you sure you're not too drunk for this conversation?" I asked, we now sat on the steps to his front porch. I twiddled my thumbs together, something I'm known to do when I'm overwhelmed with anxiety.

"Not drunk enough if you ask me." Another swig.

"I can't keep hurtin you Two, and it seems like all I can do is continuing to hurt you." He nods as a response. "I don't know why I'm so hung up on him-"

"Because you love him, more than you can love anyone Arella Jean. It's not hard. I knew before we got together that you liked him and cherished him, I was just hopin that I was tuff enough to make you forget about him." He wasn't crying and he didn't seem to be mad, or falling apart over this conversation. He just leaned back on his elbow taking yet another swig of his beer, eyes dancing between the neighborhood and me.

"It ain't gotta do with anything with being tuff, just- I don't know. It's hard when you want someone you can't have cause you ain't good enough for them, because you ain't what they looking for." I lock eyes with him, and he raises his eyebrow with a smile on his face and we both busted out laughing. "It's ain't the same I swear!" I tried saying through our laughter. "I love you Two, really I do. But you're too good for me, despite the amount you be drinking- seriously that's like your third beer since we've been sittin here." He let out a shrug with a smile on his face.

"You know I may drink a lot but at least I got my head screwed on straight and I know what I'm lookin for." My jaw drops. "Low blow, I know and I'm sorry but its true and you know it."

"It's not that I don't know what I want, tonight made that very clear. Because Dallas was right." His head flicks to me waiting for me to elaborate on what I meant. "Dally said that I put him above everyone else in my life. I never realized that till now but he's right. I live by Dally, breathe by him. Maybe I was stupid for being his best friend and him being mine, because I do love him. But for years I watched him be with and hurt all these other girls. They were smarter then I am that's for sure. They left when he hurt them, I stayed and let him hurt me and hurt me. Just because the thought of him not being near me hurts more." Two pushed himself up giving me a sympathetic smile. "I just want to be the most important person in Dally's life and I'll never get that." A tear falls down my cheek, and I wipe it away. This is the most honest I've ever been in my life letting my thoughts just flow out of my mouth exactly how I'm feeling them, and Two-Bit isn't getting angry with me he's listening, and digesting everything that I say.

"Why you ain't ever tell me this before?" He asks me.

"Yeah because telling your boyfriend, 'hey just so you know I'm madly in love with my bestfriend, to a point of where he kisses me I melt and actively cheat on you.' Goes over very well in conversation."

"Aren't we talkin about it now?" he asks both his eyebrows, and I nodded as a response. "And I ain't getting mad at you Ella, I can't hate you for feelin things. Lord knows this world needs more people like you and Pony- ya know just without the cheating." He laughs and I shake my head, cause how am I supposed to argue when I did in fact cheat on him. "But you are blind Ella and I know that ain't you, you're just not looking at what's in front of you." He put down the empty beer bottle, turning towards me. "Dallas doesn't treat you like any ol' broad around here. He respects you, fights for you, and you can trust me on that one my jaw still hurts from where he rocked me. You're not any ol' girl to him, you are the most important girl to him. I can't tell ya why he does the things he does with you, maybe like you he thinks he's not good enough for ya. Maybe he thinks Darry will skin him if he tried pullin any moves with you." I just shrugged, a breeze sweeping past making me realize how cold it was, so I hugged my arms to my chest. Two-Bit realized and stood up swinging the front door open and reaching just past the barrier and coming back out, leather jacket in his hand. "C'mon put this on and I'll walk ya home, Darry will kill me knowin I let you walk out here by your lonesome."

I followed his instructions and he began walking me home, luckily I don't live to far from Two, otherwise I would never accept his jacket. "Thank you for listening Two." He gave me a smile. We walked and laughed on other things like Dallas Winston being in the newspaper for something good and not for his delinquent behaviors. When we got to my house I noticed the lights were on, probably Darry waitin up for me to call him. I shrugged off Two's jacket, passing it to him and he takes it. Before opening the door I wrap my arms around his torso, and he wraps his arms around me placing a kiss on the top of my head. I turn and open the door, seeing Darry sitting in his chair reading the newspaper.

"Hey kid, I thought I told you to call me when you were coming home." He puts the newspaper down.

"It's okay Dar, Two walked me home. Dally will live by the way, Johnny ain't looking too good either. Don't tell Pony, I don't want him to feel bad and not go see him." Darry nodded as he stood up, clicking off the lamp to the side, following me down the hall ready for bed. "Oh Darry?" I said turning to see him walking in his room, stopping and looking out at me. "Thank you for being a good brother for us and caring for us the way you do." I knew he needed to hear the words because if he hadn't pushed Pony we wouldn't be where we would today and I don't want him to carry that.

"Of course kiddo, it's my job." He said before walking into his room and going to bed me doing the same.