art and football | nagi s. X reader

7

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i've been drawing for as long as i could remember.

i never spoke a lot, so art was just a different and easier way for me to express myself. it was never a problem until my parents noticed my fixation on drawing and they never approved of it. they didn't want to risk me to pursue something artistic in the future- they want me to be a doctor or an engineer or something like that.

i was sad when they forbid me from drawing at home, and at some point i stopped drawing completely.

they thought i completely let go of it and forgot about it after a couple years passed and so did i, until i saw a couple of girls in my class drawing together.

when i saw their pretty drawings, i knew i wanted to do it too. my parents words rang through my mind, but i couldn't stop myself. as long as they didn't know, it would be fine, right? i'd just do it at school anyways... they'd never find out.

i knew from a young age that i wanted to pursue art in the future, but my dreams were crushed when i grew older and realized how unsafe it would be to rely on art as an income.

it really sucks. i remember how the cartoons i watched growing up preached about pursuing our dreams and how as long as we don't give up we'll succeed in them. nonetheless, this can only be applied to the privileged, can't it?

for someone below average like me, it's completely unreachable. i think it's really cruel to sell such an ideology to children, and then strip that light away from them as they grow up.

my parents never stopped pushing me to wanting to pursue some successful career, but i was never really smart enough for something like that. my grades aren't good enough for me to even dream for a successful and rich career like that.

i would say that i don't have any dreams to pursue or look forward to, but i wouldn't say that i'm completely depressed or something. i guess you could say that i'm just letting life take me wherever it does.

i wish the world we lived in was different, but i  feel like many other people do as well. other people that have worser issues and their wishes don't get answered to, so i don't expect my simple one to be fulfilled.

i've tried to keep the fact that i joined the art club a secret from my parents, but i feel like deep inside they know that i've started drawing again and given up on the 'dreams' they spoon fed me growing up.

they've never brought it up so far and i don't care why. as long as i get to keep doing it, i really don't care.

i put the paint brush down and took a couple steps backwards to analyze the painting.

i wasn't sure if it was finished yet or not.

i feel like it is... but i always backtrack and find new things to fix or add after a couple hours pass.

i sighed, before covering the canvas with the blank fabric. i'd check up on it tomorrow and see if there's something i need to change then.

i looked up at the clock and saw that it was still not yet late, though sunset would be soon. i was slightly proud of myself for not drowing in art like i usually do... but i had to skip watching the football team to do it. it's kind of became a habit to watch them play whenever they had practice, which was relatively often. they're really hard working.

 i won't deny that the majority reason as to why i watch them is due to reo... but i do enjoy watching them play generally as well. football seems like a really fun sport.

it's almost inspiring to see how motivated and full of life they all are- the complete opposite of what i am. it's a completely different world from the one i live in which is why it's so enjoyable for me to watch them. they have dreams they're unafraid to pursue. i wish i was that courageous.