That Playgirl's Karma

🍷e p i l o u g e 🍷

Felix

Don't let your grief control you, but I did. I let it tear me apart.

And in that moment, I never felt peace.

To commit a sin is the worst thing a human can do... something I myself did. I acted based on how my heart burned with pain.

That's when I escaped, hid, and vanished.

I covered myself with the darkness I once feared... and bathed myself in the guilt I never expected would torture me from the inside.

I was wrong, and I regret it.

The desperate evil I claimed led me to kill two men-shot in the head. I became a fugitive.. hunted by the police and chased by the law.

I don't know what to do.

They say to make a mistake is also to possess accountability, but how can I? I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

Every night and every dawn, I always ask myself... should I?

Should I surrender and turn myself in to the law?

....

Or should I continue hiding, waiting until the world forgets me until I turn into ashes?

Which should I choose? And where do I really belong?

The person I know who's still waiting for me to come back... and the person I wish was here became the weakness of my soul.

Azalea...

It's already been years since you fought for the justice we once dreamed of and you won. We won.

When the news came, I couldn't believe how my heart raced with happiness when I saw that smile on your face... the smile that touched my soul.

I miss you, Azalea. I miss you terribly, and I'm so proud of what you've achieved... yet I don't know how to show up again.

Gusto kong magpakalayo at hindi na ulit magpakita pa, pero alam kong may isang tao na handang ikutin ang mundo mahanap lang ako, at ikaw 'yon, Azalea.

Three years have passed, but you never stopped looking for me.
I watched you join different organizations, hoping you'd trace my location. You even sacrificed your own dreams to study hacking. I never expected you to go through so much just to find someone... who's just been watching you from afar.

If I could only tell you to stop... I would.

And if I could tell you how much I miss you... I would.

Nagising ako sa tunog na nagmumula sa aking computer at nang tingnan ko ang screen ay patungo ang lokasyon mo sa isang lugar na halos araw-araw mong pinupuntahan.

Nagbihis muna ako tsaka lumabas sa tinitirhan kong condo upang puntahan ka ngayon.

Every day, it became a habit to follow you from afar, to watch you from fifty meters away and to see how your day has been.

There were times I thought about going to the States and never coming back... but I always end up staying here.

Suot-suot ang jacket na kadalasan kong suot sa tuwing sinusundan kita ay sumandal ako sa pader at sa kalayuan ay mag-isa kang nakatulala habang nababasa ang mga paa mo sa alon ng dagat.

Just watching you like this is enough to awaken my soul and to remind me never to give up when that day finally comes.

After a few minutes, I decided to leave before anyone might recognize me, but before I could go far, I heard you shout, loud and clear...

"FELIX! NASAAN KA NA?!"

Those words struck deep.

I immediately walked away as fast as I could, but with every step, my vision blurred.

Tears fell, my heart broke.

I found myself kneeling on the ground, wiping away the tears that kept falling.

You make me the happiest, Azalea... but you also made me the weakest.

I wanted to shout back... to tell you I'm here, but the chains of my cowardice held me back.

Azalea... all these years, I've just been here... watching you from afar. A fool. A coward. Weak.

"I'm sorry..."

But I promise you, Azalea... I will come back, stronger and better.

And when that day comes...

I will find you, no matter what.

-THE END-