Broken But Not Broken (COMPLETE)

4th of July

So, today was 4th of July, I congratulated Andrea because she is American-born. Then my mom came to pick me up, I was sad. I lost my phone's charger and it was at 1%. So I couldn't do anything. The worst part was when I started looking for it.
I thought I kept it in my bag, but it was not there, then I told my mom, she freaked out, she scolded me, and bullshit like that. She started talking about my father and how he "steals" my money (which I don't believe a thing), it hurts when she talks about him like that. We were on the way to my "shrink's" office and I was about to cry. We arrived and I said hello, I didn't cry right away because there was people there. After a while they left and I went into the office. I cried a lot and told her EVERYTHING that happened in school. Ugh! I also discovered at the pajama party that every boy saw me as an object, not as a person, it feels really bad.
After that I calmed down and the session ended. She told me not to worry, boys are going to be boys.
Then we went to Valle de Bravo, and by then I already told my mom how I feel, we were in a truce. I met people that helped me forget about it, but in every good moment there's a bad one. I was talking to Luzi, that is or at least she was my friend, to me she will always be, but I'm not sure about it being the other way around, she HATES me now.
Here's the story: I is all in SMS.
We started talking:
Luzi: What are you doing?
Me: talking, what are you doing awake at this hour?
Luzi: I woke up at 6:00, I have swimming lessons.
Me: ohhh
Luzi: What are you having for breakfast?
Me: Cold pizza
Luzi: yummmm
Me: ikr (if you don't know, it stands for I Know Right?!)
Luzi: Lol, and Adrian?
I knew this question was going to happen, I knew that she liked him, remember the guy I trusted and kissed him? Well, it is him... Yeah I know, I am a traitor. I feel AGH! There are no words to describe how bad I feel! I swear, that if I could turn back time and say "No" I would, but because I can't do it, I have to face my consequences. I was not going to lie about that, I was not going to hide it, not because I'm a bad person, but because she has the right to know. So I answered:
Me: Well...I kissed him.
Luzi: Dude, I'll stop talking to you!, is it true?!
Me: It is...
Luzi: Dude, no, really?
Me: I was depressed because Person didn't care about us breaking up..
Luzi: you know I like him, but you still do it!
Me: Just... Aghhh fucking life!
Luzi: No, dude, no, I'll stop talking to you!
Me: Really, don't kill me! It happened, I'm so sorry!
Luzi: No, I could expect that about him, but about you?!
Me: Really, I'm sorry! It's just that aghhh.
Luzi: Dude, you don't jump form one to another just because a stupid "depression". It seems to me that you don't value yourself!
Me: I wanted to forget Person!
Luzi: Dude!
Me: Aghh stupid Person! Aghhh!
Luzi: you forget with fucking Netflix and Nutella, but not with the person your friend likes! Really, you two can go fuck yourself!
Me: Dude, I was hyper, I drank a liter of soda and aghhh I wasn't thinking! I'm sorry!
Luzi: Are you kidding?! Bye!
Me: I get that you hate me, but don't kill me!
Luzi: Dude, I'm not killing you, but aghhh!
Me: I'm really sorry! I feel horrible!
Luzi: Dude, I got depressed because he didn't want to try anything with me, really go fuck yourself!
Me: Really Luzi, I'm really sorry!
Luzi: Yesterday I cried because he didn't want to try, and today I'm crying because one of my friends kissed him!
Me: I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking, and besides if he asks for it, he is not deserving you.
After that she didn't even read it, she hates me! Agh, then I talked to another friend about this and she told me:
XX: Dude, you really messed it up, you perfectly knew she liked him, you should've said no!
Me: I know, and I feel horrible, I don't know what to do!!
XX: Well, nothing! You're probably dead to her, because that's the WORST thing you can do to a friend.
I knew she was right!
Me: Yes... 😭😭😭😭
XX: There is nothing left to do, really...
I can't let this happen, I know that she hates me, but I have to make things right, on Monday I will talk to her in person, I just hope she doesn't make anything stupid!
I hate myself and everything.
----------------------------------------------
Remember I said that I wanted to kill butterflies? Well I didn't and I'm happy for it, my mom doesn't know anything of this...