Heathens & Hold Ups (Book 2 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 34- Callie

Kace tenses as I get closer to the bed. The rigid set of his ex-linebacker shoulders says one wrong move and he's yanking me back to him and safety. I don't blame him after last time; though I appreciate him for not trying to stop me.

Something about being back in the bunker with Riggs struggling makes it feel like our truce is back in place. Kace and I's issues can wait.

I want to reach out my hands and pull him into my arms where nothing can harm him, but that didn't go so well last time. Besides, there's nothing I can keep from touching him. At least in the real world. Instead, I slide off my shoes and climb into the bed beside his thrashing body.

I don't even know what I'm thinking, just letting my instincts lead me as I make soft calming sounds. Some hybrid of humming and hushing white noise. He's still fighting, trapped with some invisible enemy. But not as violently, like somewhere in his dreamscape he can feel the bed sinking and that backup is close behind. "Riggs," I call out.

"He can't hear you when he's like this Princess," Kace reminds me.

"It doesn't matter," I snap up at him and his defeated tone. Riggs jolts and I settle back down beside him while throwing a sharp glare at Kace. "He needs to know he's not alone. He's safe now. Home. I'll keep talking to him until I reach him, wherever he is in that head of his. He'll come back to us," I tell him defiantly. "Sometimes all you need is a reminder that someone will catch you when you're falling," I say wistfully. It's what I wish someone would have told me when I was struggling.

"I don't think that's enough to help him with the demons he's fighting Sweetness," Kace lowers his eyes. His head following behind like the weight of it all is pressing down on his shoulders alone. "What he went through," he sighs, shaking his head like it'll erase whatever memory he's working through. "Hell," he scrubs a hand over the thin stubble of hair on his head. "I don't think what he's told us is even half of it. It's not my story to tell."

Kace yanks me away when Riggs rolls over with a heartbreaking cry, his arms swinging at air and tangling in the sheets. Being restrained makes it worse as he fights the threads keeping him contained. Kace holds me back with a firm stare and his palm before accepting that I won't interfere. He unwraps the sheet around Riggs and tosses it in the corner of the room.

"A hug and some sweet words aren't enough to fix it Callie. "He needs help. Real help that we can't get him right now," he throws in my face with a sneer as his voice trails off. Like I'm the cause behind this sudden realization.

"Come on," he tugs me halfheartedly toward the half open door.

"No!" I shout at him, my face heating with the anger rising in my chest. He'd rather leave Riggs alone in this bleak cold space than face the reality head on. "I'm not leaving Riggs to suffer alone. He should never have been alone in the first place," I stare him down as he grits his teeth.

"Riggs Landry is dead!" He growls, the anger blending with the pain, like an animal in a bear trap. "We're nothing but ghosts. Dario made sure of it. Hamilton has gotten away so much shit. Didn't even wait until the ink was dry," he chuckles darkly. "Rushed everything with Riggs' gran out of the way. He was missing, presumed dead and her poor heart couldn't take it," he says bitterly.

I remember Rachel talking about the funeral. A pillar of the community, gone. Rachel had been devastated, but we couldn't even think of going. Everyone in Bells would be there for Mrs. Landry's funeral and we couldn't risk Colt finding me. We toasted to her memory though and Rachel shared some of her favorite memories.

"Well he must be Casper because I see him just fine! He's right here, breathing and I'm going to be by his side until he feels that," I toss back and resume sitting on the bed. Who cares if my back is against the concrete wall? I'm far enough away that Kace can grab me if he feels the need, but Riggs needs me more.

"Did you manage to pull a psychology degree out of your ass in the past year? Last time you helped, it ended with me giving you CPR!" He yells so hard the veins in his neck strain with the effort.

"And you threw me away on the side of the road because of it!" I scream right back. Tears hit my cheeks and I wipe them away with shaking hands. I can't help feeling like one wrong move and he'll do it again. Déjà vu is one chokehold away.

"I apologized for that," he sighs, walking over to the corner and slumping into the chair there. The strongest men I know are crumbling like chalk and I'm helpless to do anything but watch. He buries his face in his hands and huffs as he clenches his meaty fists. A year later and the sight still has me flinching, before I try to stop it.

"Dammit Calista! We threw away everything for him. You sit here on your high horse, trying bring him back like we haven't done shit. We've given everything," he breaks. Storming over to the bed in his frustration. "Days like this," he throws his arm limply in the direction of the trembling, twisting body beside me. "It feels like we failed him. Like we brought a shell of our brother back."

"You don't get to call me that," I snap, jumping off the bed to face him on my own two feet. "That's his name to call me. You don't get to throw it at me like a curse because you're hurting." I shove at his chest with both hands. He only stumbles because I catch him off-guard. The man is solid and wouldn't have moved an inch otherwise.

"I get it. Seeing him like this is hard. It fucking hurts, but you don't get to throw yourself a pity party because things are harder than you thought. Because you naively believed he'd be back to normal by now," I scream at him. It feels good and yeah, maybe I'm yelling for more than Riggs, but Kace needs to hear it.

"Your brother needs you. All of you. He has me now too. I'm not going to run away when he's struggling with where or when he is. I know," I swallow down the break in my voice. My pain can wait. "He's fighting to get back. I'm staying right here until he finds me."

"It might go better if you help too instead of fighting me. One day we will get him the proper help he needs. Until then you get me," I stab my finger into his chest for emphasis. "Talk to him. It doesn't have to be deep. It can be stupid things like what you had for breakfast. It can be good memories y'all share. Just remind him he's safe and above all else he's not alone. He's home and the only place his demons have a hold on him is in his mind"

"We will." Dario says from the direction of the door. Ducking my head around the solid wall named Kace, I see him give me a timid wave. Jaxson stands beside him like a shadow, pushing him further in with a flick of his hand that causes him to stumble before he scrunches his nose and sticks his tongue out at my sweet psycho. Guess in the heat of the moment, I hadn't realized how loud we had been and how much sound echoes in the bunker.

"We've tried doing things his way and it's getting worse," Dario admits with a long look at the others. "If he asks, this was all Callie's idea anyway," my Cupid tries to joke as he perches on the corner of the bed. Jaxson leans a knee over the foot of the bed between us while Kace keeps me within arm's reach, standing with his arms crossed over his chest against the concrete wall.

"I'll take any punishment he feels fit to dole out," I wink at Dario. It's not his fault the joke didn't land. Tough crowd. I practically have climb back into bed with Riggs with all the guys in the way.

"Once he's up to it," Kace feels the need to add.

Riggs has finally stopped thrashing all over the bed. Instead he lies buried in the comforter, curled up in a ball, whimpering and flinching in his sleep. His clothes are soaked through with sweat and his skin is ashen making the scar around his throat stand out as a stark reminder of the horrors he's facing. My heart hurts looking him and I resist the urge to pull him in my arms. It's not about what I want right now, but what he needs.