Heathens & Hold Ups (Book 2 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 40- Kace

Shit. This is not how I planned on revealing my feelings.

I had this moment all planned out. I'd get her alone, maybe play her a little bit of what she's inspired me to work on, and once she was all relaxed I'd ask to be a part of the relationship she's developing with my brothers.

Instead, just like every time we try to talk about something real, it becomes a game of push and pull. She waves that red flag, daring me with her words, and I go charging right at it without a second thought. We're fire and gasoline and I can't help but to ignite under her.

I'm frozen, my eyes wide in fear as Jax prattles on. We've danced around this since she's come back into our lives, feelings strong on both sides. Both of us fighting like we never lost any time.

I felt every moment. My brothers and I came together for her when she was captured like a well-oiled machine, our training kicking in on autopilot. When we came back into her life, she saw us as a cohesive unit.

The truth is, when she left we were fragmented.

My brothers shut me out. For months I was a ghost in the bunker for as little as they interacted with me. Their disgusted glares and cool indifference more cutting than any harsh words they could sling my way. I lived for the days we would hit another location. They were forced to communicate with me, if only for that moment.

I deserved it all and more for what my actions led Callie to go through. The others tried to warn me, but I was so resistant, so convinced I was right that their concerns fell on deaf ears. She was the devil in our midst and her perfect pouty lips and doe like brown eyes had blinded them to the truth only I could see.

Instead I threw her back to the wolf she had run from, had warned us about. Even though she's forgiven me or at the very least isn't actively punishing me for it, I still carry the weight of my actions.

I wouldn't blame her if she laughed in my face. In fact, I'm bracing myself for it. Just like everything about her, my princess surprises me.

"What?" She asks, blinking those beautiful brown eyes slowly as if it'll help her process the words.

"What do you mean what?" I snark back. Is she kidding me right now? I'm sweating bullets and about to give myself a heart attack with the way my heart is pounding in my chest and all she can respond is what?

Between that and Jax's gleeful laughter at my misery, I want to punch something. Maybe just him.

I'm floating in an infinite sea of possibilities. What could mean so much. Is she coming up with a gentle way to let me down? Is she preparing to fling herself at me and let me in? I'm driving myself crazy and it's got me lashing out, the very opposite of what I want.

Jesus, Kace. Take a minute and try not acting like 'being a dick' is your default setting.

"What do you mean, 'what do you mean what'?" She asks, voice dripping with snark. Her face is scrunched up between her eyebrows and her nose too. I want to kiss the little folds, loving the adorable micro expressions that eclipse her face when she argues with me. Wouldn't help me at this moment, but my thoughts are safe from her ire. "What, you know, like what are you saying? What is going on? A million different ways of saying did you mean what you said or was it an accident," she grills as she massages her temple. She's abandoned Jax's drink to the coffee table and would probably be pacing if the jitters in her legs are anything to go by.

Jaxson's got a firm grip on her hips as she leans forward in his lap, but I'm not sure if it's for his benefit or mine.

Riggs' looks over at me and I can see the hope in his eyes. It took them time to get her to forgive the feelings over abandonment Callie felt between them all. I don't think they would forgive me a second time if I fucked things up with her because I can't admit the truth.

I'm scared.

My brothers mean the world to me and while my feelings for Callie aren't at that level yet, they could be. I see the way she put her all in to taking care of us, loving us, even when we don't necessarily deserve it. She's everything I could ever want and I'll admit part of the vehemence behind my stinging words was jealousy. A hint of that affection thrown my way without a sneer behind it.

Looking back, I threw the first stone and she's just been returning fire. Time to wave the white flag and hope she doesn't shoot it out of my hands like I've done to her countless times.

"Both," I admit. I hate the way she stares at me, her usually expressive face giving me nothing to go off of. My prayers go unanswered if my words are just more rope to hang myself or if they're reeling her in. I push on, resigning myself to whatever outcome. "I meant it, even if the delivery could've been better. I had a plan, but my brain and my mouth were running a race for first and somehow ended up in third."

"That's the sweetest way I've ever heard someone call themselves stupid," she laughs, her eyes shining with how much mirth she's holding back.

"That's what you took away from that?" I ask her incredulously. "I just poured my heart out woman!"

"Well your heart isn't that great with words," she winces. "Or your mouth."

"Tell me how you really feel then, if you're such a poet," I throw up my hands wondering how this went so far left from how I planned.

"Well for starters, you're an ass," she says plainly and I can feel my blood boiling.

This was a mistake. She fucking hates me. I'll forever be a third- no, fifth wheel and not a good one like a trailer. I'm so stuck in this pity party of one, I almost miss the rest of her words.

"You care so deeply for those lucky enough to be let into your heart, even if you're abrasive and impulsive in the ways you show it. You're sweet, so sweet underneath that asshole exterior." She finally escapes Jaxson's possessive hold and comes closer to me, so tiny as she looks up into my face. I've never noticed, her personality seeming so much larger than the woman before me. Guilt stabs me in the chest again at what I put her through, too blind to see the reality in front of me.

Her hands grip mine, so warm and soft, that I know I'll never want to make them curl in anger against me again. Well, maybe not true anger. Fighting with her, seeing the way she puffs up in frustration like angry kitten causes all my blood to flow south. Probably why I end up saying shit I don't mean. Brain is flopping around like a caught fish for a lick of sense.

"Are you saying I have a chance then Princess?" Pretty words are nice and I love soaking them up when spilled from her mouth, but I'm dying for an answer. Spoken plainly so there's no way I'm hearing what I want to hear or what I'm convinced is her buttering me up to let me down gently.

My brothers have discreetly left the room. I don't know where they are and I don't care. I saw them file out from the corner of my eye when she left Jax's lap. Although his exit was punctuated by a very elaborate threat about what would happen if I made her cry.

Magic tricks with knives and sawed-off body parts have been ruined for me for life.

"Get down here, Hulk. I want to make sure you hear every word because I'll only say this once," she commands and I kneel at her feet. A knight bowing before his princess.

"I want you. Every infuriating, solid," she says, pupils dilating as her hands run over my arms before. "Protective inch of you. Your music is a window to your soul. The only time I've ever seen you truly honest with what you're feeling. Put a guitar in your hand and you pour out the sweetest words. May not have written them, but they're yours just the same. You were always meant to be mine Kace Walker. Think it's time we finally stop fighting it."

"Yeah?" I ask. I wish I had my guitar right now.

"Yeah," she says softly, leaning in with her hands on my face.

My heart is simultaneously performing a drum solo worthy of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and doing its best impression of a dying man. My thoughts race and time is a crawl as her lips brush mine.

For the first time in years, I see the very real possibility of a happy ending for my brothers and I. Callie makes that possible and I'll give her the world to make sure nothing takes it from us.