Heathens & Hold Ups (Book 2 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 33- Callie

Tensward. It's not a real word, but it fits the awkward tension filling the bunker since Dario texted the burner with a car emoji and a backpack.

The ride to the bunker was tensward as well. Silent as Kace drove me from my apartment to Bells. The confusion was clear as day on my face, but still silence. Darted glances glimpsed out of the corner of my eyes and jaws snapped closed before words were uttered as we drove were the closest I got to conversation.

It's strange to discover that their hidden base wasn't all that hidden. At least to me.

Damien Hamilton would blow a gasket if he realized the guys were hiding below the very farm he worked so hard to steal from Riggs and his gran. The fence line between the Landry and Walker farms is within sight as he hides the car under an army green tarp and some old foliage and Kace's granite face reveals nothing about how it makes him feel. Kaitlyn's number is in my pocket and I waffled between talking about it in the car and with the rest of the guys. In the end, I chickened out and haven't said a word. I've given myself some grace though since he's done his best to win the quiet game.

Even maneuvering through the maze of tunnels, he's quiet. Simmering almost. The silence between us feels heavy with so many unspoken feelings. The year apart, as much as I hated it while I was learning how to be me again, was much needed. I would have fallen into them so easily, forgiven too much because I was grateful for the way they blew into my life and saved me from Colton.

Therapy, what I could tell her honestly and a lot of what she could read between the lines, a lot of soul searching, and the support system that were just waiting for me to finally let them in have helped me realize that the guys were a catalyst for me saving myself.

In all that time, I forgave Kace. Logically at least. My heart is a different story. She still is hurt by the guy we were starting to fall for. The one who sang so brokenly in the middle of the night, who showed her some of the best milky sugar coffee ambrosia hidden within a sketchy gas station, who punched his brother without a word after misunderstanding what he saw between Jaxson and I even when he despised me every time he opened his mouth, who kissed me like I was the air he needed to breath and he was drowning.

Picking up like they never left with Jaxson and Dario hasn't even taken a thought. They're mine as much as I'm theirs. Riggs, we're figuring things out. He's intrigued me from the moment we meant, but he's always been a little cautious. After the way he reacted waking him up from a night terror, I understand. He reminds me of some of the animals at the shelter, scared to love because of how they've been hurt. Once they let you in though, they're the most solid companion a person could ever ask for. Kace fights for those he loves, territorial to the point of aggression. Kace and Riggs, two sides of the same coin.

Reaching out with the tips of my fingers, steadying myself for rejection, I'm surprised when he locks our fingers together and pulls me along without a word. The calluses on his fingers scrape against the back of my hand and I smile to myself, imagining those same hands plucking the strings of his guitar in the night. I won't admit how many times I listened to Arsonist's Lullaby over the past year, replacing in my mind Hozier's poetic rasp with Kace's raw edge. Nope. Didn't happen.

Though now I find myself remembering the cameras and blushing as I remember the other things I did in my room after that they've probably all seen. Yeah, the guys and I have a lot to discuss.

Stepping into the bunker feels like being home in a weird way. It's probably their presence. It's all around and impossible to ignore. Little signs like the lemon scent of cleaner that Jaxson favors and edm music spilling from Dario's room down the hall. The beep of the bunker door locking behind us announces our presence and the music cuts off. A low whine still persists in the background, but it's quickly brushed aside by the steps pounding down the hall.

Dario almost trips over the shag carpet in his rush to sweep me up in a twirling hug. "Callie Cat," he beams at me. His genuine smile lights up his face and I just want to soak it up. It's almost enough to forget the cameras. Almost. I can wait until they are all here. I want to see the looks in their eyes when I ask about them.

Jaxson strolls in lazily like a house cat. "Pet," he acknowledges. Sitting down in his arm chair, he beckons me closer with a single finger. It should feel degrading and from anyone else it probably would be. Still, from him it feels like a kiss and a proclamation of love all rolled into one word.

Hoping into his lap as Dario chuckles behind us feels natural. I run my hand over his chest where my name is hidden under his shirt. My thighs clench as I remember everything about that day in the woods. His depthless ocean eyes rove over my skin like a caress and I shiver under his perusal. Trailing his nose up from my collarbone, across my jaw, and up to my ear, his warm breath tickling me, he whispers one word that has me wriggling on his lap with need dripping from my core. "Mine," he punctuates with a nip on my lobe.

"Alright," I squeal as I jump up. Can't think clearly with him so close. His eyes twinkle with quiet amusement as I move closer to the others arranged comfortably on the couch.

Riggs is missing though.

Kace beats me to it, answering my question as I tilt my head to the kitchen where I would assume he was if not here. "He didn't sleep well. Isn't sleeping well," he corrects. "Thought he'd be up by the time we got back. It's better if we leave him to it. He won't want anyone to see him like that," he says with a pointed look at me.

Normally I would listen to him. Should listen, after last time at least. It took almost a week for the bruises around my neck to fade. Days before the burst blood vessels in my eyes stopped making me look like an extra on the set of some zombie movie. The keening cry and hoarse shouting from Riggs' room has me ignoring it all though.

I'm not completely stupid. I grab Kace's hand and drag him along with me. Leaving him alone to suffer through these episodes isn't helping. I don't care if he's embarrassed or ashamed or scared he'll hurt someone again. He shouldn't be alone to fight his demons. No one should.

Jaxson offers me a nod and Dario looks shaken up and sad, twisting his beautiful curls in his hands and pulling. I'll hold him after. Riggs needs someone now and if these guys won't do it, I will.

Kace's hand on my bicep is the only question he asks. I get it. He's scared too after last time, but I'm determined to not give up on Riggs. With a resigned sigh, he follows me down the hall and into Riggs' room.

The lights are off and I'm grateful for the low lamp light that Kace turns on so I'm not stumbling my way along like the fumbling fawn Jax likes to call me. Riggs' eyes are screwed shut and his teeth are gritted so tight it's a wonder he hasn't cracked them. The sound coming from him has tears welling in my eyes and my throat tightening as I try to swallow some of it down. It's the sound of a wounded animal, the kind that the only kindness you can grant it is a swift shot to the head. It should not be coming from someone as strong as Riggs.

I don't know his full story. I don't need to if he doesn't want to share it. His body and his actions tell snippets that I can try my best to piece together and hope I'm interpreting correctly. Regardless of his past, everything he's shown me tells me that he's a good man. Just a little lost. Angry. Broken.

As a broken thing myself once upon a time, his jagged pieces call to mine. I want to sand those sharp, cutting pieces and glue him together. Fill those little gaps with something new, stronger.

Rachel once picked up a hobby for a little while. A way to deal with her body that didn't always quite do what she wanted it to. She dropped a few mugs, plates, bowls. Kitsugi. A way to repair those broken dishes that acknowledged the damage, while making it whole again, stronger than before with the gold holding it together.

I know he can't go back to the person he was before, my white knight in his jeep. The same way I can't go back to the girl in the yellow dress with hope in her eyes. All I can do is give him the same strength to fight his demons as he gave me. I just want to be his stream of gold.