Tune of Rapture (Echoes #2)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Tied

Lasing na lasing na ako nang iuwi nila ako sa mansyon. I could hardly remember what happened after I cried to Austin and talked about Sergo. I fell asleep from the pain in my eyes... and the pain in my heart.

Nagising lang ako sa marahang punas ng mainit na towel sa aking braso at leeg. Si mommy ang nag linis sa akin kagabi hanggang ngayong umaga. She also brought soup on a tray.

I closed my eyes, wondering why I got drunk.

I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for letting myself develop feelings for that person. I'm hurt because he's with someone else, while I'm here, unsure if I should continue these feelings.

I also feel sorry for myself because I'm hurting. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want that anymore.

I don't do things that harm myself, yet he can hurt me just by showing that he's with someone else.

Uuwi ako bukas. Hindi ngayon. Hindi ngayong may tama pa ako ng alak. Baka makita ko sila na mag kasama at mataga ko sila sa mukha.

Paliwanag sa akin mag kaklase lang! Mag kaklase lang?! At si tanga naman, naniwala! Fuck you, Sergo! Fool everyone else, but not me! I may be innocent, but I'm not blind! Talagang gagawin mo pa akong bulag.

"Anak, umagang-umaga, mag kasalubong ang kilay mo." si mommy sa aking harapan. 

Pilit kong maging kalmado dahil napuna niya na. Bumuntong hininga lang ako at nag iwas ng tingin.

Ang sabi ko hindi ako mag seselos. Kakainin ko rin pala ang sinabi ko.

"Mom, puwedeng bukas na lang ako umalis?" ngumuso ako.

She nodded and smiled. It wasn't an issue for Mom when I leave. It's fine if I don't go. I should be asking Dad about this. But I won't go to him until I leave.

I couldn't bring myself to go out and face him. I've been here for two days.

Mom sighed in front of me. She held my cheeks as I saw tears in the corners of her eyes. Was she crying? Why was she crying?

"Leroy, is this the life you want? Is this what you want to happen to you now?" Mom calmly asked me.

Napakurap-kurap ako sa tanong niya. Bumukas ang labi ko pero walang lumabas doon.

"You're too young to see the future, but is this what you want? Do you regret that we became your parents? I know you're going through a hard time because of your dad. He kept you away from me, I know you're coping even if it's tough," parang hangin niyang sabi.

Hindi ko alam pero dinaanan ako ng kaba.

Ngumiti ako kay mommy. "Masaya naman ako, mom."

She nodded but tears fell from her eyes. I furrowed my brow and quickly wiped them away. I pulled her close to my chest and listened to her quiet sobs.

I didn't know why she was crying now. I didn't want to ask... I was scared.

May bara na sa aking lalamunan. She hugged me tightly. The kind of hug that's afraid to let go.

"If the Lord gave you a long life, would you stay here? Or would you leave and seek a different life?" mahina niyang tanong.

Napaisip din ako saglit. I won't stay here. I'll look for something else until I'm content. I don't want to be suffocated. I don't want to be wealthy.

"Kasi ako, aalis ako. Mag hahanap ako ng ibang mundo pero syempre kasama ka..." natawa si mommy pero basa na ang aking t-shirt dahil sa luha niya.

Nangilid din ang aking luha sa mata nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Aalis siya pero isasama niya ako. Mabuti dahil hindi ko rin naman kaya na wala siya. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.