Tune of Rapture (Echoes #2)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Rarely

As I gradually realized that I liked him, I almost wanted to scream. I did everything possible to like someone, and I felt it all for him. Really... just from the strong pounding of my heart whenever I talked to him the other day, I should have known then.

Because what the hell, why am I nervous around someone... someone who's not particularly special physically?!

Damn it... I can't believe it.

I developed feelings for a man. Is this shallow or the type that's deep and that I'll really admit to him?!

I felt even more nervous at the idea of confessing to him.

What if he doesn't like me back?

What if he only sees me as a friend?

What if... he's straight?

I don't want to love because I don't want to get hurt.

And if I confess, I'll get hurt because he only sees me as a friend. All the concern is just because we're friends. I'm just a friend.

My heart ached. This was our agreement, right? We're just friends. I'm the one who's troubled because my feelings went overboard. I felt something different between us.

I don't want to love. I'm afraid of what might happen if I do. I'm scared of getting hurt. I don't want to feel even a little pain. I might get too buried in someone if ever.

I won't confess. I'll hide this. Sergo is too good to like. I don't want to get hurt.

Gusto kong matawa na maiyak. Natatawa ako kasi nagaya pa ako kay Austin. Pinagtatawanan ko pa siya na kesyo ganito, ganiyan, tapos magagaya rin pala ako?

I should have looked at what I was doing. I must have taken too much to heart what Sergo was doing to me, leading to this outcome. I'm devastated, literally. It's like I'm stuck in the mud, and with so much mud piled on me, it's hard to get up.

Shit.

I hope I forget about this! I hope my feelings for him are shallow. Tangina naman kasi! Tangina mo, Sergo! Sana hindi na lang kita nagustuhan. Sana na nanatili ako sa linya na mag kaibigan lang tayong dalawa!

Because as I think that I like you, I'm scared. I'm scared of the idea that I might be judged by many people.

Hindi ako makapaniwala na bakla ako. Never akong na attract sa babae kasi sa lalaki pala ang bagsak ko.

Buong gabi akong gising. Hindi ako nakatulog kakaisip. Kaya para akong zombie nang bumaba ako para kumain. Sana lang ay hindi ko makasabay si daddy dito. Ayokong ngayon niya ako tanungin kung bakit ako umuwi.

I might not be able to control my mouth and blurt out that he's not taking care of Mom, so that's why I came home.

"Sir... hindi po 'yan ang ulam. Ito po, oh..." ani ng kasambahay sabay bigay sa akin ng pinggan.

Napatingin ako sa kinukuha ko at gagawin ko pang ulam ang pineapple! Umigting ang aking panga. Tangina talaga! Wala akong masabi kundi tangina!

Sorry sa bad words.

The maid looked puzzled as she looked at me. I didn't even look back at her. Huwag ngayong mukha akong panda dahil sa walang tulog.

Nang tama na ang kinuha kong ulam ay iniwan niya naman ako para kumain.

I've heard that when you like someone, you're happy with everything. Ultimo pag sasadok ng kanin, nakangiti ka. But why don't I feel that way? Parang lagi akong balisa na hindi ko alam.